A Journey Within: Navigating the Path to Self-Awareness and Growth

[00:00:03] You are listening to Resilient Life, the podcast where we explore the power of resiliency.

[00:00:10] I'm Nikita Ross.

[00:00:12] It is my hope that listening to this podcast will give you the tools to connect with and

[00:00:18] increase your resiliency.

[00:00:20] So join me on this adventure of self-discovery and self-love.

[00:00:33] Thank you for joining us for this episode of Resilient Life, the podcast where we

[00:00:37] explore all things resilience.

[00:00:40] Today, we have a wonderful guest joining us and I would love for you to introduce yourself

[00:00:47] because you can do it much better than I ever could.

[00:00:49] So if you can give us your name and your chosen profession please.

[00:00:53] Oh, how long have you been in the field of education?

[00:01:01] Carrie, that is...

[00:01:06] And I know you and I talked about this when we weren't in front of a camera, but

[00:01:10] I just want to say it in front of a camera.

[00:01:13] That is amazing.

[00:01:14] To dedicate so much of yourself to educating little minds, younger minds, molding, shaping,

[00:01:22] preparing basically our future.

[00:01:25] I think that is absolutely incredible, especially since we're in a place of education nationwide

[00:01:32] where it's difficult to bring on and retain our highly qualified educators.

[00:01:38] And so thank you.

[00:01:40] Of course, I have the first question for you.

[00:01:43] How do you define resilience?

[00:01:45] I think of the ability to move above and beyond, change, obstacles, and setbacks in life.

[00:01:54] And with that definition, do you think that you are resilient?

[00:01:58] Oh, absolutely.

[00:01:59] Yes.

[00:02:00] I've experienced a lot of trauma in my life and I have encountered many obstacles, whether

[00:02:06] that was in my personal or professional life.

[00:02:09] And so I absolutely see myself as someone who is resilient.

[00:02:13] I love that.

[00:02:15] And what advice would you have for someone who either hasn't identified their resiliency

[00:02:22] trait yet, or they don't think that they're resilient?

[00:02:25] What advice would you have for that person?

[00:02:27] Sure.

[00:02:28] I think my advice for others is to find a healthy outlet.

[00:02:32] Read, write, run, volunteer, find your niche.

[00:02:35] For my experiences, it is much easier.

[00:02:38] It was much easier for me to pick up a bottle of booze and drink myself into Bolivian than

[00:02:43] it was to actually face my fears.

[00:02:46] And we must face our deepest fears.

[00:02:48] We must dive deep into our past, our traumas, choices in life, and figure out how to heal

[00:02:54] that version of ourselves.

[00:02:56] I think we are an incredibly resilient species that is destined for greatness.

[00:03:02] And we must take it upon ourselves to figure out what it is that works for each of

[00:03:07] us, or we will live a life of loneliness and regret.

[00:03:10] Carrie, I love that.

[00:03:11] I think that's very optimistic.

[00:03:13] And I think we share that.

[00:03:14] That's a huge part of why I have this podcast is because I also believe that we are an incredible

[00:03:19] resilient species.

[00:03:20] You said something that I want to follow up on.

[00:03:23] You said that it's important for us to face our fears.

[00:03:26] And I understand that it's going to be a little different for each person.

[00:03:30] But if you were to give a couple of examples of what it looks like to face your fears

[00:03:35] because that I don't know, if when I think about it, it can be interpreted differently

[00:03:38] for different people or people may not even know what that means to face your fears, which

[00:03:42] is why we as humans turn to food, sex, drugs, whatever it is to avoid to numb and face

[00:03:50] in our wounds, our trauma, our fears.

[00:03:53] What does that, will you please elaborate a little bit more on what does that look

[00:03:57] like to face your fears?

[00:03:58] I think that looks like digging deep and really looking at what is it that I'm afraid of?

[00:04:06] Is it the fact that I'm going to go through this major change in my life or is it the

[00:04:11] fact that, you know, change came upon very recently and very suddenly and very abruptly

[00:04:16] and you're having to shift as a result of that.

[00:04:19] So like an example for me, I don't know if you know this Nikita, but I'm a breast

[00:04:24] cancer survivor.

[00:04:25] No.

[00:04:26] Yeah.

[00:04:27] And my big fear was dying when I was diagnosed.

[00:04:31] And so I received a phone call from the radiologist who was like, I hate to do this over

[00:04:36] the phone, but we're, we noticed that you have doctal carcinoma, which was cancer of

[00:04:44] my milky doxid in my breasts.

[00:04:46] And so I was really afraid of dying.

[00:04:49] And so it took a lot of encouragement from my family to go to my appointments

[00:04:54] because I was so afraid of having to go through chemo and whatnot.

[00:04:58] And luckily, if there is a luckily radiation chemo, I simply had surgery and simple bilateral

[00:05:05] double mastectomy.

[00:05:06] And so like having my family there to help me kind of face my fears when I went to

[00:05:11] my appointments was really important.

[00:05:13] So I guess facing your fears is also making sure that you're being honest about them

[00:05:18] and sharing what it is that is frightening with others so that you can get that support.

[00:05:24] Yeah, I didn't know that.

[00:05:26] Carrie, thank you for sharing something so intimate, personal and vulnerable.

[00:05:31] Thank you for that.

[00:05:32] I'm very happy to know that you are doing better.

[00:05:36] And you said luckily if there is a luckily, and I would say the word survivor means

[00:05:43] that there is a luckily.

[00:05:44] And I'm so happy to hear your story.

[00:05:47] I've actually know a couple of other breast cancer survivors and they also survived, but

[00:05:53] they had to go through a lot more.

[00:05:55] And so I'm always in all of the strength determination that it takes to face death.

[00:06:02] Carrie, and it's interesting because one of the people I know who is a breast

[00:06:06] cancer survivor recently said that they shared with me that they've been in a

[00:06:10] depressed depressive state for a while now because they haven't shaken that fear of death.

[00:06:18] And I think it's something that people who have not gone through it, Carrie, can take

[00:06:23] for granted.

[00:06:25] And I would say I do.

[00:06:26] If luckily I wish there's wood around me have never had to face my own mortality

[00:06:32] and the strength that it takes to get through that.

[00:06:34] And I'm so grateful that you have family to support you through that.

[00:06:38] I think that is awesome.

[00:06:40] And it just makes me respect you even more.

[00:06:43] I already respected you and endured you a lot already, you know that, but it just grows

[00:06:48] some more. So thank you again for sharing that.

[00:06:52] Sure. Yeah.

[00:06:52] Luckily, I am trying to think of when that was.

[00:06:56] I am seven years cancer free.

[00:07:00] Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[00:07:01] I think that's awesome.

[00:07:02] Congratulations.

[00:07:03] That is fantastic.

[00:07:05] Thank you, Carrie.

[00:07:05] How do you speaking of?

[00:07:09] How do you celebrate yourself?

[00:07:11] Oh, man, that's the question I didn't prepare for.

[00:07:13] I think one of the ways that I honor myself is by spending time outside.

[00:07:21] I really enjoy the outdoors.

[00:07:23] And so I honor myself by hiking.

[00:07:26] My family is really big into off-roading with our jeeps.

[00:07:30] And so that makes me that brings me a lot of happiness when I'm outdoors.

[00:07:36] And I love like I love the mountains and whatnot.

[00:07:39] So anytime I can escape to the mountains or even in the desert, when it's not 90 degrees

[00:07:44] outside, go hiking and whatnot.

[00:07:47] I think that that really brings me a lot of peace.

[00:07:50] It's my spirituality.

[00:07:52] So it makes me feel alive.

[00:07:53] Being one with nature, being out in nature, experiencing, appreciating

[00:07:58] the beauty of nature when it's not a 100 degree day.

[00:08:02] Yeah, right. I love that.

[00:08:05] Carrie, what made you smile today?

[00:08:08] I think being with you on the mic here and sharing a little bit about who I am.

[00:08:14] I don't normally get to talk like this.

[00:08:16] You know, usually it's like I share stories and stuff, but being able to be

[00:08:21] in your space with you is an honor.

[00:08:25] So I'm glad to be here.

[00:08:26] Listen, we just started.

[00:08:28] Please don't make me cry.

[00:08:29] I have to make it through this.

[00:08:30] Thank you for those kind words.

[00:08:32] I appreciate that.

[00:08:33] Oh, I like this one.

[00:08:34] And I cannot wait to hear your answer to this one because I have no idea what

[00:08:38] you're going to say.

[00:08:38] What is the theme song of your life?

[00:08:42] Yeah, this one, I didn't have to spend much time thinking about it.

[00:08:45] I am a big fan of the chicks and the theme song that they sing is

[00:08:52] Taking the Long Way.

[00:08:54] And they saying, I've been a long time gone now.

[00:08:56] Maybe someday someday I'm going to settle down, but I've always found

[00:08:59] my way somehow by taking the long way, taking the long way around,

[00:09:03] taking the long way, taking the long way around.

[00:09:06] And then later in the song, they say no, I could never follow.

[00:09:09] And I find those lyrics to sum up a lot of the choices that I've made

[00:09:13] in my life because I've always paved my own way.

[00:09:16] I've made a lot of choices that have felt like the long way around

[00:09:20] because I either placed myself in my own way or have felt like

[00:09:25] I've made some impulsive decisions with some really heavy consequences.

[00:09:30] As a result of that, for a long time, I pushed a lot of people away in my life

[00:09:34] because I didn't think that I needed their help or their support.

[00:09:38] And that said, I also believe that some of my choices in my life

[00:09:41] have led me in the right direction, but just maybe at like a different

[00:09:45] pace than others.

[00:09:46] My life journey has been one of a lot of growing pains and self discovery.

[00:09:52] And it has been a journey with a lot of bravery because I have not

[00:09:55] compromised myself for anything or anyone.

[00:09:58] So so many things you said there, I think from my perspective,

[00:10:02] I feel like you summed up life in general and not just your life.

[00:10:07] I think we all go through growing pains and self discovery.

[00:10:11] That is the nature of life.

[00:10:13] And I thought about that when you said the lyrics to the song,

[00:10:17] because I think sometimes we get this idea that life is short, fast,

[00:10:22] simple, easy if we stay on a path, if we do it right.

[00:10:24] And I don't think there is a right way to do life.

[00:10:28] I think that it is that long where we just don't realize it.

[00:10:32] And so it was so hard not to interrupt you when you were talking

[00:10:35] because I was like, yes, yes.

[00:10:38] I love that perspective.

[00:10:40] And I just want to add that I think or reiterate that I think

[00:10:43] that is life in general.

[00:10:45] And even though you're like, that's been my experience,

[00:10:48] I've made decisions that I didn't love or that I had to suffer

[00:10:52] the consequences for that is life.

[00:10:55] I don't think there's anyone on this earth who can say

[00:10:58] I've only made wonderful decisions.

[00:11:00] We grow, we learn.

[00:11:02] And so I love that answer.

[00:11:04] It just fills me with joy to hear my thoughts about life

[00:11:08] validated through you sharing yours.

[00:11:11] So thank you for that wonderful answer.

[00:11:14] Oh, this one is going to be a new one for you that you did

[00:11:17] and prepare for my educator.

[00:11:21] What have you learned about yourself recently?

[00:11:25] I think that I am in the process of learning

[00:11:29] that I have the ability to be patient.

[00:11:33] This year has brought some loss both in my personal life

[00:11:37] and in my professional life.

[00:11:39] And typically I'm very like, let's tackle this problem.

[00:11:43] Let's get through it.

[00:11:44] Let's do this, this and this very quickly.

[00:11:47] And I'm learning that I have to really slow down

[00:11:51] and trust happening, whether that is experiencing grief

[00:11:56] from the loss of a relationship or experiencing a major change

[00:12:00] in my job.

[00:12:01] And so, yeah, I think really like working on learning

[00:12:05] to be patient with myself and probably in addition to that,

[00:12:08] also forgiving myself for mistakes

[00:12:11] and forgiving myself, offering myself some grace.

[00:12:14] That was one of my questions.

[00:12:15] We're going to come back to that.

[00:12:17] So I think when I was a kid,

[00:12:19] I used to always think that every older adult like 40 plus,

[00:12:24] they were naturally patient.

[00:12:26] And I thought it just came with age,

[00:12:28] but I'm learning very similar to you.

[00:12:31] I am also working on patients and surrendering

[00:12:34] and not trying to control a situation and not fighting,

[00:12:37] but just be like, it's okay.

[00:12:38] Life is going to be okay.

[00:12:39] Change is okay.

[00:12:41] Do you think that it does come?

[00:12:43] It's a natural progression of maturing

[00:12:45] or do you think it is something that we as humans

[00:12:48] have to develop and work on

[00:12:50] as you are currently and I am currently?

[00:12:53] I think for some people, it's really natural as they age.

[00:12:57] And I think that with me in some ways,

[00:13:00] I'm definitely not as impulsive as I used to be.

[00:13:04] And so that's, I think part of it has been maturity.

[00:13:08] But I also think that for me, it's really intentional

[00:13:12] because I know that about myself.

[00:13:15] I'm not the most patient person in the world.

[00:13:18] And it's much easier to be patient with my students now

[00:13:22] at this age in my life than it has been in the past.

[00:13:25] And I think that, you know,

[00:13:27] part of that is the fact that I'm a lot calmer than I used to be

[00:13:31] when I was younger.

[00:13:32] So I think the maturity pieces, I would say both.

[00:13:36] I like that.

[00:13:37] It's definitely part of it.

[00:13:39] But I think also it's like being intentional

[00:13:42] and coming into a situation where you know a kid is upset

[00:13:46] or, you know, a friend is upset

[00:13:49] and not just wanting to solve the problem right away,

[00:13:52] just sitting back and listening.

[00:13:54] Yeah, I like that.

[00:13:55] I think you're right.

[00:13:56] And I hadn't thought about it that way, that it is a little bit of both

[00:13:59] because we do become less impulsive as we age.

[00:14:03] Hopefully I've met some people who have not.

[00:14:06] But ideally we do.

[00:14:07] And then there's this thing that you've hinted around

[00:14:11] that is so to my beliefs and values.

[00:14:14] You've hinted on it twice,

[00:14:16] but you haven't directly said it inside.

[00:14:18] I want to label it.

[00:14:19] I'm a big labeler and you're an educator.

[00:14:22] You're also a writer.

[00:14:24] And so you have a more extensive vocabulary than I do.

[00:14:28] So I'm going to give you the word that I use.

[00:14:30] And then if you have a better word, please share with me.

[00:14:33] So two times you talked about being intentional and being patient.

[00:14:37] And then you talked about facing your fears.

[00:14:39] And to me, both of those require insightfulness.

[00:14:43] And I feel like when I said it's a core belief of mine,

[00:14:46] I strongly believe that if we as humans were more insightful

[00:14:50] and paid attention to ourselves, what we're feeling,

[00:14:53] what we're thinking, where we want to place our intentions for growth,

[00:14:56] two things you just talked about.

[00:14:58] I think we would be better as you said, given ourselves grace

[00:15:02] and as you talked about being able to extend that grace

[00:15:05] to others like students or friends or family.

[00:15:07] I would love to hear your thoughts about that.

[00:15:09] Would you use the word insightfulness?

[00:15:11] And then do you agree or disagree with my summation of how important

[00:15:17] insightfulness is?

[00:15:18] I don't know if insightfulness is the right word.

[00:15:22] Okay.

[00:15:23] I think I see it as, well, I guess maybe it's insightful.

[00:15:26] I see it as being really self-reflective.

[00:15:29] And I think for me, writing has really helped me make it through

[00:15:35] many, many challenging times in my life.

[00:15:37] And I'm constantly thinking about what my moves are and how I did A.

[00:15:43] And so the result, the reaction from this person was B.

[00:15:46] And okay, I need to backtrack a little bit there.

[00:15:49] Maybe I need to apologize a little bit more thoughtful or intentional

[00:15:53] in my thinking in terms of my response and how I'm reacting.

[00:15:58] And so I really see it as like this self-reflection.

[00:16:02] And you know, we're like, I am by no means perfect at all.

[00:16:07] And so I'm constantly reflecting on what I've said,

[00:16:10] what I've done to elicit certain reactions out of people,

[00:16:15] whether positive or negative, right?

[00:16:17] Like I think that goes both ways.

[00:16:19] And so for me, it's that reflective aspect.

[00:16:23] Do you think that we as a society of human beings,

[00:16:27] regardless of all those categories,

[00:16:29] if we were all each more self-reflective,

[00:16:33] we could be kinder toward ourselves and others?

[00:16:36] Oh, absolutely.

[00:16:37] For sure.

[00:16:38] I think that we are such a fast-paced, impulsive society

[00:16:44] that we do not slow down to think about what our fears are

[00:16:50] or what it is that we are trying to overcome.

[00:16:53] And I think we're very intentional on how we plan.

[00:16:56] A lot of people are.

[00:16:58] I just think that we could be more self-reflective.

[00:17:02] We could slow, we definitely need to slow down a little bit for sure.

[00:17:05] Yeah, I agree.

[00:17:07] I agree with that one.

[00:17:08] So when...

[00:17:12] Now I don't want to do that one yet.

[00:17:13] Where do you feel most peace and calm?

[00:17:17] Is it nature?

[00:17:18] So as I was stating earlier, out in nature, the mountains,

[00:17:21] but also I think also with my family as well,

[00:17:25] they bring me a lot of joy.

[00:17:27] And we have worked through many traumas, many challenging situations.

[00:17:32] And there have been time periods in my life

[00:17:35] where I have not spoken with my mother or spoken with my sister.

[00:17:39] And we're in a place now where we're forgiving,

[00:17:43] we're kinder to each other.

[00:17:45] We offer that that we all so desperately need.

[00:17:48] And so I would say that my family brings me a lot of peace

[00:17:52] in conjunction with nature as well.

[00:17:54] I think that's another thing, Carrie, that you have that is wonderful.

[00:17:59] I would say that there are tons of people who don't have that experience

[00:18:04] where their family is their safe place or their place of peace and rest.

[00:18:09] So count yourself lucky, blessed, whatever your beliefs are.

[00:18:13] I think that is a wonderful thing to have.

[00:18:15] And so congratulations to you and good job, Carrie's family.

[00:18:19] Thank you.

[00:18:20] Thank you all for sharing.

[00:18:21] Let's do...

[00:18:22] Oh, OK.

[00:18:24] What is something that you are proud of?

[00:18:27] I think that...

[00:18:28] So my friend, Selena says that out of all the people that she knows,

[00:18:33] she doesn't know anyone else who works as hard at improving themselves as I do.

[00:18:38] I've been through countless hours of therapy.

[00:18:41] I have lived through some incredibly traumatic and challenging times in my life.

[00:18:46] And I have a lot of people that I wish I still had in my life.

[00:18:49] And I think by working on myself through therapy,

[00:18:52] through my writing with people who help elevate me,

[00:18:55] I have become a version of myself that I'm proud of.

[00:18:57] Like I had this teacher in high school.

[00:18:59] Her name was Mrs. Kissel.

[00:19:01] She was this tiny petite...

[00:19:03] I think she was Italian.

[00:19:05] And she had a celebrate diversity poster in her classroom.

[00:19:10] And she was one of the most welcoming people in my high school career.

[00:19:14] And I always wanted to aspire to that.

[00:19:17] And I think that I'm there.

[00:19:19] I think that kids share a lot of deeply personal stories with me

[00:19:24] because they feel like they can trust me.

[00:19:25] And I'm honored to hear their stories and I want to know their stories.

[00:19:29] So I think I've become this version of myself

[00:19:31] that I'm really proud of.

[00:19:33] Someone who is humble and kind

[00:19:35] and willing to forgive myself for my flaws.

[00:19:38] And I think it takes a lot of courage for us

[00:19:40] to be able to look at ourselves and do the hard work

[00:19:43] so that we can be that best version of ourselves.

[00:19:46] To think that I do a little bit of that hard work on myself every day.

[00:19:50] Cari, that was such a perfect...

[00:19:52] I like my word insightful,

[00:19:53] but I'm going to use your word self-reflective answer.

[00:19:56] I think that was absolutely wonderful.

[00:19:58] I love that you have a teacher who impacted you so much

[00:20:02] so that you wanted to be the kind of teacher

[00:20:05] who has a wonderful impact on students.

[00:20:08] And I said several times that when I think about people

[00:20:11] who have helped build me up as a human,

[00:20:15] I think of teachers.

[00:20:16] They... I've had teachers who have torn me down,

[00:20:19] but I like to focus on positive.

[00:20:20] And so I've had a teacher in particular

[00:20:22] who was just how it really had high standards for me.

[00:20:26] And so that really made an impact on me.

[00:20:29] And I think we don't not sit on a soapbox about education,

[00:20:32] but I think we don't give our educators enough credit

[00:20:37] because so many of our educators are responsible,

[00:20:40] as I stated at the beginning,

[00:20:42] for molding, creating, developing these young humans,

[00:20:46] inspiring them.

[00:20:48] And so thank you for that.

[00:20:50] I love that.

[00:20:51] And then there's something you said,

[00:20:53] you stated that you have people around you who build you up.

[00:20:56] And this is a question that I try to ask people

[00:21:00] who have that great support system.

[00:21:02] How did you build it?

[00:21:03] And what advice did you have for people

[00:21:05] who are wanting to build a healthy support system?

[00:21:10] Sure.

[00:21:10] So I think that I really seek out people who are kind

[00:21:16] and patient because in my life, you know, for a long time,

[00:21:20] I didn't see those things about myself.

[00:21:23] And so I love working with people who are really open minded

[00:21:27] and appreciate diverse perspectives.

[00:21:31] I think like one of my closest friends, Moon,

[00:21:34] sees things very, very differently than a lot of people.

[00:21:37] And I love that about her because I can go to her

[00:21:40] with any problem and I know I'm going to come out of it.

[00:21:43] Feeling like is not solved, but I've got that support system

[00:21:49] and I've got a perspective that I don't normally consider.

[00:21:52] And for me, seeing other people's perspectives

[00:21:55] has always been really challenging

[00:21:57] because I'm such a type A Aries personality.

[00:22:00] And so I'm so strong minded that sometimes it's just really hard

[00:22:04] for me to set back and see that.

[00:22:06] And so I seek that out in people

[00:22:09] and I seek out people who really want what's best for people

[00:22:14] and humanity and really want what's best for kids.

[00:22:17] And what was the second part of your question?

[00:22:20] What advice do you have for people who want to develop that for themselves?

[00:22:25] How would they...

[00:22:27] I think you actually answered the second part

[00:22:29] because you talked about how you did it,

[00:22:32] but it also can be how other people can build that

[00:22:34] to seek out not to put words in your mouth,

[00:22:37] but just you said you sought out a specific kind of personality.

[00:22:42] But that was the second part is what advice do you have

[00:22:44] for people who want to build that?

[00:22:46] Yeah, I think we really as hard at it as it is

[00:22:50] and as much time and sometimes as much money as it takes,

[00:22:54] we really need to know ourselves.

[00:22:57] And I think really in knowing ourselves,

[00:22:59] we seek out the things that...

[00:23:02] I would like to think that a lot of us seek out

[00:23:05] what's missing in ourselves and we seek that out in others.

[00:23:09] Yeah, I like that. Thank you.

[00:23:11] I'm sure that's gonna help someone and we don't even know.

[00:23:15] When do you feel like you can be your true self?

[00:23:18] Is it only with your family?

[00:23:20] So I'll clarify this question.

[00:23:21] I have a couple, as most of us, a couple of roles that we feel...

[00:23:26] I'm on this professional setting.

[00:23:28] I'm a parent. I'm a daughter.

[00:23:31] I'm a sibling, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:23:33] I'm a mother. When I feel like I am like my truest self

[00:23:37] and none of my other parts are hidden,

[00:23:39] is when I'm with my daughter and my bonus daughter

[00:23:42] because they get my quirky, my awkward.

[00:23:45] They get just me raw, me.

[00:23:49] They get no manners, me.

[00:23:51] Like they get like full, silly, me.

[00:23:55] And so that's when I feel like I can be truly myself

[00:23:58] is when I'm with my oldest daughter and my bonus daughter.

[00:24:01] Do you have a time where you feel like you can just be like

[00:24:04] whatever things that we may not let out?

[00:24:07] Because we're at work, right?

[00:24:08] And so if you have a potty mouth and you're educating kids,

[00:24:11] you can't let that potty mouth out.

[00:24:12] And I'm not saying that to you, but that's just an example.

[00:24:15] So what's yours?

[00:24:16] I think when I am playing some kind of game with my niece and nephew

[00:24:21] is when I'm my true self.

[00:24:23] And sometimes I censor myself

[00:24:26] and sometimes I need the reminders from my sister.

[00:24:28] Hey, let's watch the language a little bit.

[00:24:31] But I think playing...

[00:24:33] Like we play Monopoly, we play Sorry,

[00:24:36] we play all kinds of war games.

[00:24:38] We do puzzles.

[00:24:39] We play basketball.

[00:24:40] We play Mario Kart.

[00:24:43] And I feel like I'm my...

[00:24:45] I think I'm my best self at that time with them

[00:24:48] because I'm a kid again and I get to tap into that inner child

[00:24:53] that I don't get to tap into very, very often.

[00:24:56] And so I think anytime there's some kind of playfulness involved,

[00:25:00] whether it's with my niece and nephew

[00:25:02] or my students and I are playing Uno

[00:25:05] or we're playing poker or whatever the case may be,

[00:25:08] I think that there's something about that aspect of play

[00:25:12] that really allows us to show who we are.

[00:25:15] I agree, Kari.

[00:25:16] And you're actually making me...

[00:25:18] I'm going to change that question to play in a child.

[00:25:21] Thank you.

[00:25:22] That was so...

[00:25:23] Yeah.

[00:25:23] Thank you.

[00:25:24] Yeah, I agree with that.

[00:25:27] Oh, you ready for this one?

[00:25:28] This is another one that's not on your prep sheet.

[00:25:31] Uh-oh.

[00:25:32] You ready?

[00:25:32] How is your self-talk?

[00:25:34] Are you challenging negative thoughts and encouraging positive ones?

[00:25:39] And I think I know the answer because you've hinted at this,

[00:25:42] but I just want to hear your official answer.

[00:25:44] This is a tough one.

[00:25:46] This is something I've struggled with my whole life.

[00:25:48] I grew up in a family where there were a lot of consequences

[00:25:53] for behavior that was not acceptable.

[00:25:57] And so, you know, my dad was in the military.

[00:26:00] He was in the Air Force.

[00:26:02] And then my mom, for the first part of my life,

[00:26:05] was at a stay-at-home mom.

[00:26:06] And then my parents divorced when I was, I want to say 10 or 11.

[00:26:10] And all of a sudden, my mom had to go back to work.

[00:26:13] And then my sister and I were at home for a few hours by ourselves.

[00:26:18] We were like the latchkey kids of the 80s, right?

[00:26:21] So there were times when I heard a lot of negativity growing up

[00:26:26] because I was not treating my sister kindly or I had gotten in trouble.

[00:26:31] And my dad is a big negative self-talker as well.

[00:26:35] And so I really have to work hard to silence that voice.

[00:26:41] And that is something that I think I struggle with constantly

[00:26:45] is trying to reframe that negative self-talk

[00:26:49] and celebrating myself more.

[00:26:51] I gave kind of a generic answer to that question earlier

[00:26:55] about celebrating myself.

[00:26:56] That's something that's very, very hard for me.

[00:27:00] And I think it's hard for me because I grew up seeing my dad

[00:27:04] not talk kindly to himself at times.

[00:27:07] And so that is a really, I think that's generational.

[00:27:11] I think that's really hard to break.

[00:27:14] And so, you know, I try when I'm working on celebrating things about myself,

[00:27:19] if I'm not writing, I'm not finding that.

[00:27:23] And like, so an example is I have this 10-page paper due for grad school next week.

[00:27:28] And I've really struggled with it.

[00:27:31] And typically writing comes very naturally to me,

[00:27:34] even when it's academic writing.

[00:27:36] I don't struggle.

[00:27:36] And so I've been really hard on myself with this piece,

[00:27:39] but I'm like, OK, I need to just sit down and write

[00:27:42] and see where that takes me.

[00:27:44] And so once I did that last week and then a little bit yesterday,

[00:27:50] I was like, OK, I've got this.

[00:27:51] I can do this, you know?

[00:27:52] And some of those positive messages came in.

[00:27:55] But that's something that I have to be very intentional about.

[00:27:58] Thank you, Carrie, for being vulnerable and honest.

[00:28:02] The reason this is a question is, unfortunately,

[00:28:05] it's way too common for us as humans to engage in negative self-talk.

[00:28:11] I don't know why, but each, I think I've only spoken to a couple of people

[00:28:17] who don't engage in negative self-talk.

[00:28:19] And those people are quote unquote enlightened spiritually.

[00:28:23] And so they did the work to get there, but they used to struggle with it.

[00:28:26] And so a couple of things I need you to validate yourself that I hope it's validating.

[00:28:31] It usually is for me when I know I'm not alone.

[00:28:33] That it's not just you who struggles with negative self-talk.

[00:28:37] And I love the fact that you are working on it and you are aware of it.

[00:28:42] It's sad or notable when people aren't aware.

[00:28:46] And so they're not working on it.

[00:28:48] And so like we're constantly just like beating ourselves up versus knowing it.

[00:28:52] We're slowly getting better.

[00:28:54] So cool to see you, Carrie.

[00:28:55] Just a couple more questions and then you'll be out of the hot seat.

[00:28:59] What? Oh, I think you answered this one kind of,

[00:29:04] but I'm going to ask it to see if you have a different answer.

[00:29:06] What is the healthiest thing you've done for yourself?

[00:29:10] And I know you told me what you're most proud of,

[00:29:12] but I'm wondering what is the healthiest thing you've done for yourself?

[00:29:16] Sure.

[00:29:17] I think the healthiest thing I've done for myself is probably really cutting back on my drinking.

[00:29:24] I grew up in a family where alcohol was readily available at a young age.

[00:29:29] It was very socially acceptable in my family to drink.

[00:29:32] A lot of our social activities involved a lot of drinking.

[00:29:36] And my sister is almost two years sober.

[00:29:40] And my last relationship I was in, I dated somebody who was sober as well.

[00:29:46] And so I think that I have really cut back on how much I drink the last several years.

[00:29:53] One, it makes me feel like crap.

[00:29:55] And two, it's just not the space I go to to feel like I'm solving problems.

[00:30:01] We know that it doesn't help or solve problems.

[00:30:03] It's temporary.

[00:30:05] And so I think, yeah, cutting back on the alcohol, other ways to cope with stress

[00:30:12] and cope with the challenges that life throws at us.

[00:30:15] Yeah, because it does.

[00:30:17] I think that is a huge accomplishment.

[00:30:21] Carrie, and I'm glad that you said that it's a healthy thing that you've done for yourself

[00:30:25] because it is, it's not easy.

[00:30:26] I've shared several times that both of my parents were addicted to alcohol

[00:30:31] and other substances.

[00:30:32] And so I grew up around that.

[00:30:35] And so I'm very proud of you because it is something that you can do all of your life.

[00:30:40] I've seen it drinking and never stopping and never decreasing even

[00:30:45] the fact that you decrease the amounts is great.

[00:30:48] And I'm so proud of you and congratulations.

[00:30:50] Thank you for sharing that last question.

[00:30:52] Do you have any parting words or thoughts before we end the episode?

[00:30:58] OK, I think I want to tell the story.

[00:31:02] So I know I spoke about a lot of some of the trauma that I faced in life.

[00:31:08] And I think that the event in my life that really shifted my thinking

[00:31:13] and helped me be more self-reflective and be more forgiving was when I broke

[00:31:20] my back cliff jumping in 2000.

[00:31:23] We were at Lake Pleasant and my friends, I was with my partner at the time

[00:31:28] and some of their friends.

[00:31:29] And, you know, they were all drinking and having a good time.

[00:31:33] And I don't sit still very well.

[00:31:36] And so I had been watching these guys climb up the side of the cliff

[00:31:41] and jump into the lake.

[00:31:42] And so they did it from a very low elevation.

[00:31:45] I think it was like maybe 10 or 20 feet.

[00:31:47] And I'm like, oh, I can do that. No problem.

[00:31:49] So I'm like, no, that's not for me.

[00:31:51] And then this guy climbs this like 50 foot cliff and jumps.

[00:31:56] And I'm like, I'm going to do that.

[00:31:58] So I borrowed my friend's shoes.

[00:32:00] I scale the side of this cliff and I get up there and I'm like, oh,

[00:32:04] that's really far.

[00:32:06] But at this point, I'm like, how am I going to get down?

[00:32:08] And so I jump and I landed in a seated position.

[00:32:13] And so I landed with like my feet instead of like a pencil with my feet up

[00:32:17] and I literally blew out the shorts I was wearing, the seam of my shorts.

[00:32:23] And I compressed my T11 vertebrae or no, my T11 vertebrae is crooked

[00:32:30] and my T12 vertebrae is half its size.

[00:32:33] I had to be air-vacked out to St. Joe's where I got incredible clear care.

[00:32:37] But I was in the hospital for four days.

[00:32:39] I was required to lay flat on my back for three months.

[00:32:43] And as a result, I was really, really depressed and I had PTSD.

[00:32:49] I was diagnosed with PTSD from it.

[00:32:51] And so I put myself through therapy and, you know,

[00:32:55] I missed the whole first quarter of the school year.

[00:32:58] And it was the first time in my adult life where I really had to rely

[00:33:02] on people for help.

[00:33:04] And so my mom, my partner at the time, my sister were my caretakers

[00:33:09] because I couldn't lift anything over 10 pounds.

[00:33:12] I had to walk with a walker the first amount of pain for a while.

[00:33:18] And I had a tortoise shell that I had to wear when I was out

[00:33:21] and walking around in public.

[00:33:22] And so and of course, along with the PTSD and the depression,

[00:33:26] I had a lot of suicidal thoughts.

[00:33:28] So I reached out to a mentor who, excuse me, was incredible in terms

[00:33:35] of coming up with ideas of how I could spend my time because I hadn't

[00:33:38] been out of the classroom for any length of time at that point.

[00:33:42] And so we decided that I should start a blog.

[00:33:45] And so I did.

[00:33:45] I wrote 16 words about teaching in a matter of a few months.

[00:33:51] And that gave me a sense of purpose again to me think about work,

[00:33:56] even though I couldn't be in the classroom.

[00:33:58] And so I think that my parting words would be that we are not in this journey alone.

[00:34:06] And we have to find it.

[00:34:09] We have to set our ego aside at some point and accept the rules

[00:34:14] that people play in our lives and the help and the support and the love

[00:34:19] that they're willing to give us.

[00:34:21] And I think if we have that mindset, love just comes pouring in, right?

[00:34:28] Like we're so I'm so lucky one that I'm not paralyzed.

[00:34:33] I don't have any long term effects from that injury.

[00:34:36] I didn't die.

[00:34:37] And so it really slowed me down and shifted my mindset because I was

[00:34:44] was not as kind of a person back then.

[00:34:47] And I had all this kindness and all this love that people were willing to give me.

[00:34:53] And I'm very, very fortunate for that.

[00:34:55] I feel very privileged to have that in my life.

[00:34:58] So I think being open to what people's you know, what are people's

[00:35:03] rules in our lives?

[00:35:04] Are they if they're a friend, if they're your partner, if they're

[00:35:09] a family member, what their capacities are for what they are willing

[00:35:15] to share with you, I think is huge.

[00:35:18] I love that.

[00:35:19] And I don't have anything to add to that.

[00:35:22] I think that was so beautifully said that we will end there.

[00:35:26] Thank you for being a guest on Resilient Life.

[00:35:29] Thank you for giving me your time.

[00:35:31] Thank you for being so open and honest and vulnerable to inspire

[00:35:37] other people who hear your story to increase their resiliency,

[00:35:42] to not give up, to be more self-reflective.

[00:35:45] Thank you for those things, Carrie.

[00:35:47] And thank you everyone for watching Resilient Life.

[00:35:50] Thank you for the opportunity to spend my pleasure.

[00:35:53] I hope this episode gave you some tools to connect with and

[00:35:57] increase your resiliency.

[00:35:59] I'm proud of you.

[00:36:00] Let's keep up the momentum.

[00:36:02] Follow Resilient Life on your favorite podcast platform

[00:36:05] and on YouTube at Resilient Life Podcast.

[00:36:09] Until next time, be kind to yourself and others.