From Pain To Power: The Journey Of Healing From Trauma

[00:00:03] You are listening to Resilient Life, the podcast where we explore the power of resiliency. I'm Nikita Ross. It is my hope that listeners at this podcast will give you the tools to connect with and increase your resiliency.

[00:00:20] So join me on this adventure of self discovery and self love. Welcome back to Resilient Life, the podcast, the Wigs, the power of resiliency. Today we have Lori joining us. Lori, will you please introduce yourself?

[00:00:37] Give us your name, fear chosen profession or passion and anything you want to share with us. Hi, thank you for having me on your podcast today. My name is Lori Goodspeed. I am an administrative assistant at the House of Representatives. And I'm just excited to be here today.

[00:00:57] Thank you so much for being here. Yes. Lori. How do you define resilience? You know, I would define it as boldness. Um, define, you know, they say that when life gives you limits, make lemonade. Yes. And I would say that's what resilience is.

[00:01:19] It's refusing to give up is the true definition of a rotted die because no matter what happens, we're not quitting, we're not stopping, we're not laying down the towel, we're not going to stay down, we're getting back up even if we follow a thousand times.

[00:01:34] That's resilience to me. That's a beautiful definition. Very inspiring, very optimistic. I love that. So with that definition in mind, do you consider yourself to be resilient? Yes, no. I, I am resilient.

[00:01:49] Um, I was a, then, I'm resilient because I didn't allow, um, what happened in my childhood to dictate who I am today as a woman. There was a lot, there's a, there's a long backdrop, you know, to that and grown up and

[00:02:04] false to care and then separated from everything I've ever known. And having to relearn, you know, my grandmother, she adopted us, um, well, I didn't want to get adopted out of the group because I was already almost 17. So I didn't see a me further dot me.

[00:02:21] What was she using my grandmother? But just having to learn her ways, you know, and coming from no structure to having structure. That was really hard. And so I had to, I wouldn't dress the grain for a little while, you know, and then when

[00:02:40] I had my first son, um, I was a single mom. I had their dad was there, but we was not married. And I had to, what they say, pull yourself up by the boom straps. Um, I had to pull my, you know, myself about a booster.

[00:02:53] I was like, okay, this is what this is and this is what I want and I don't want what I see right at this moment and so I think I've done well. My sons, I have a 20 year old and a 20, uh, so year old and August.

[00:03:08] And I'm so proud of you. So they, they really show, they give me my gray card. And I'm like, thank you, Jesus. I love it. I think so. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your experience about how you are resilient.

[00:03:25] I really appreciate that do you have glory, any advice for individuals who want to increase their resiliency? Yeah, I would say that my advice would be always be kind to yourself. Always give yourself space to grow because my mom used to say, do I come at the morning?

[00:03:50] And so sometimes we get really down on ourselves for decisions we make. And you know, or we don't see a way out. And we think this is it and sometimes we want to just quit and give up.

[00:04:03] But if we just take a moment and breathe and just be just be kind to yourself and embrace the situation, you know, that you're facing as an opportunity to learn and to grow. Because when we know better, we do better.

[00:04:18] I think that's very thought-provoking because I love how you said just be kind to yourself. But there are so many of us who weren't raised with kind words and things being said or done to us.

[00:04:34] And so it's not a sometimes difficult for us to be kind to ourselves because we haven't learned that. And so that's actually a part of the purpose of the podcast is to encourage people and to give them the skills and the tools to be kinder to themselves.

[00:04:50] So I absolutely love that you said that. That's so perfect. How do you celebrate your self-law? I'm not saying I'm going to reverse the system. So yeah, I do because I used to, you know, they- so when you're on an airplane and they say,

[00:05:11] you know, the oxygen is for you. You have little ones don't give it to them first, give it to yourself. Because if you pass out, everyone's gone. There's no help for knowing, right? And so we have to take care of ourselves first and I had to learn that.

[00:05:27] I had to learn to put me first and it's okay to put me first. But then it comes down to responsibilities, you know, especially if you're the head of the household, you have bills, you have, you know, we want to go out and buy all the

[00:05:40] finer things in light. We won't that coached hers. We won't the met computer. We won't, you know, these things. But I reward myself so I say, okay, my priorities, what are they?

[00:05:54] I'm going to do XYZ and when I get that done, then I'm going to get that first side-cheap perfume. And it's funny because the other- I have it on my dream board, the first side-cheap that I want.

[00:06:06] And I was going to buy the other day because it was 13.99. And oh my God, they sent it back and said, oh we had to cancel the orders. I don't know if it was a wrong price or not.

[00:06:15] But I felt like God was saying, hey, you did not do what you said you was going to do. And that was paying one of your debts, so you don't get the perfume yet.

[00:06:24] You know, so I celebrate myself by, you know, motivating myself to get done to do the things that I need to do. This is actually one of my favorite questions. I've posted questions to every guest and have not had an answer repeated yet. And I learn new things.

[00:06:44] What is the theme song of your life? So if you're looking in the mirror and you're either filling down and you want to lift yourself up, or are you looking in the mirror and you're filling yourself your proud, your just filling yourself. What song comes up?

[00:07:02] So I don't know if you've ever heard her name is Tracy Ellis Ross Dianna Ross's daughter. So she has a song called Love Myself. How you heard her? So that song? No, I didn't know she's. It is so beautiful. Oh my God, she does. I love her.

[00:07:25] She sings. Oh, my Lord. She's amazing. So I had to be. She is. I love it. So because I'm going to repeat just a couple of words that she say and I'm going to read it because I have to note what her lyrics says.

[00:07:38] I don't really care if everybody likes me. I just want to love myself. Love myself. Love myself. And I like, oh my gosh, I love that. I don't really care what they think. You know, I use to care but I don't care anymore.

[00:07:55] I love myself and I accept me for me because I'm beautifully and wonderfully made in his image. And when he made me broke the mold, when he made you, he broke the mold. Right? So I love that song. That's how you read it. That's how you read it.

[00:08:10] Like, probably the same song of this podcast. It's totally not. I'm going to listen to it. I want to be able to play it because of copyright. Love but it's good. It's good. Good song from it. Listen to right before I start an episode. Yeah.

[00:08:27] Thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. Lori. What? Have you learned about yourself recently? Oh, my goodness. Wow. You know, it's so funny when you think you know and then you realize you don't and it's okay to ask. Right? And I used to be like, okay, I know.

[00:08:53] I know. I already know are all funded. But I realized that I need people. I need a tribe. I need a community. I'm coming up. We grew up kind of like military kids because we moved a lot.

[00:09:07] We moved from Kansas City to Texas, Colorado, Kansas City, Texas, Kansas City, Texas, Colorado. And so I was so used to cut in relationships. But relationships where it was a life line for me.

[00:09:22] I love having friends around, but we moved around so often that I was not able to have that foundation. So everybody on me became a friend that I knew I was going to have to eventually say goodbye to. So I'm learning.

[00:09:39] I just recently learned that I don't have to say goodbye to everybody. Although I've been operating in the kids so goodbye. I love you. Bye. So yeah, I just overcoming that mindset. I like that. I think that's probably not uncommon for people who has lived a transient lifestyle.

[00:10:05] Be it foster care or a military or whatever the reason is for frequent moves. I think that's not uncommon to learn to basically protect yourself because you know, oh, I'm here for this amount of time, but then I'm going to have to start all over again.

[00:10:22] And it takes intentional work to stop and recognize that that's pattern in yourself and then undo that. And so the fact that you did have, I think that is phenomenal. So good job, Lori. Thank you. Of course, Lori. What brings you joy? Oh, my goodness.

[00:10:41] You know, just knowing that other people's needs are met. You know, and that they're living their best life. You know, there used to be a song. And when I was young, we were singing and it doesn't mean what I'm about to say. It means to me.

[00:10:56] But they used to say, it's not no fun. If my homies can't have another great. But it ain't no fun if my homies can't have that. But yes, right. And it's not because if I am living a wealthy and healthy life and everyone else in my circle

[00:11:17] is miserable. How could I really be happy within myself? So for me, seeing those that are rallying and living their best life, that makes me happy. But it's like a double-edged sword though because if it comes, for me, I've had to learn

[00:11:38] how to back away because that became become an addiction within itself because you, I've been putting the position to where I'm more, I've become someone's God. And I've had to pull back from them because I wanted to force my wheel on someone else.

[00:11:57] I want you to live better. I want you to have better. And where it brings me joy to see that, I also have to use balance with it to say, okay, that's not what they want. It's not my problem. It's not my fault.

[00:12:12] I did all I can do and then I have to stand back. So that's another thing that I'm learning to deal with about myself when it comes to what makes me happy because it does. I love Fred and Joy, you know? Yeah.

[00:12:27] So if I understand what you're saying correctly, Lori is about what brings you joy is, seeing other people for lack of a better word, living their best lives, especially if you are able to help them.

[00:12:45] But also at the same time, you want to make sure that you have discernment and boundaries to know when to offer help and when not to. How am I just doing that correctly? Yes, actually yes. Okay. You got that right on exactly learning my boundaries because you know,

[00:13:03] grown up, I always understood, I've always respected other people boundaries. But I didn't necessarily make them respect my boundaries. Wow. So because they would cross my boundaries, I kind of lost reality with what their

[00:13:22] boundaries is in a sense where I want to force my wheel on their life. You know, because especially another thing is funny is that people will become indious when you're always joyful, right?

[00:13:38] And so I think I just didn't want anybody to be mad at me or I didn't want anybody to be jealous or talk about me or you know, misunderstand me or mislabel me because all of those things play a part. And I don't know.

[00:13:54] I just was like, I hear, you know what, I want to do this for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the things that I have, the opportunities that I have because

[00:14:02] I don't want you to feel like no one cares or you just, I don't want you to feel those feelings. So yeah, just learning those boundaries and respecting them. You just said something that makes me feel like you have insight into my life because

[00:14:17] this is a conversation that I had with my therapist a couple of weeks ago because of the way I grew up where my family was experiencing and grossed in their trauma. And there was dysfunction and a lack of boundaries.

[00:14:36] I never knew or learned how to one identify my boundaries and then two and four soundaries, which then made it harder for me to understand other people's boundaries clearly. And so I am working on this.

[00:14:58] This was like a conversation that I had two weeks ago with my therapist and I am very much into my midlife age. And it's like this long to even understand that about boundaries.

[00:15:13] And it makes me curious about why we as a human race, why we aren't having this conversation more about the importance of boundaries and how to identify your boundaries, how to hold your boundaries, how to respect other people's recognizing and respect other people's boundaries. Because it's big.

[00:15:39] It's healthy. It helps us have healthy interactions with other people. When we see this is this is where I am and I'll meet you where you are. So I think I said, I'll let to say. I resonate with what you just shared. So thank you for sharing that.

[00:15:58] Oh, you're welcome. That is so be I love you know this the growth mindset are the forward thinking. Yes, I love where everything is going when it comes to communication because we're learning so much about the art. You know communication is an art. Yes.

[00:16:17] You know and it's just is beautiful, especially when you start connecting with other people who come from different backgrounds. And then you start sharing and you realize how much alike we really are. Yes.

[00:16:32] And if I could add on to that, like you said, communication isn't art even sometimes we have a missed communication within our with people within our similar background because not just that our backgrounds are similar, but within our house, our family units, we communicate this way.

[00:16:52] And even though you live next door to me or down the street from me and we grew up in that same neighborhood, there's still going to be this little bit of discrepancy about how we communicate certain things.

[00:17:04] And so I agree with you that communication is skills to learn how to communicate effectively is so important. And maintaining healthier relationships. I agree with you on that. That is so that's good.

[00:17:21] You know, it brings me I was telling a couple of my friends who have young kids and I was telling them how when when my sons were 12 and 13, I had to do a reassessment on our relationship because who they were when they were

[00:17:41] little was not who I was standing there looking at. So that Google got got pretty just cute baby that I love so much to stand in here and being kind of disrespectful, that's not the same person.

[00:17:54] So I had to say okay, we're going to have a family meeting. I need to get to know you and you again. You guys need to get to know me again. We have to re-establish our relationship and I have to find out where is your mind?

[00:18:07] You know, what are you thinking? What do you want? What do you expect from me? How about this respect? Did you? How would you like for me to be said? You know, I just had to ask them those boundaries.

[00:18:17] I had to reassess that the relationship and it was funny because some women don't agree with that but I'm we're never the same and because they were kids. They're not kids anymore. Right? Yes. Yes, I love that. I think that's a huge, undressed state of parenting too.

[00:18:34] And I have taken parenting classes and taught parenting classes. And this is the first time I've heard that I love that. Because as humans we go through different phases. And so we want to get to know our children again at each phase

[00:18:48] and not treating them at 12 years old, the same way we interact with them at five years old. If I can add to that, realize that I had to do my own work. So the conversation that I had with my children as they got older is,

[00:19:08] I've been doing my own self-reflection and I realize a lot of parental mistakes I may because I was young, I was inexperienced, I was deep into my trauma and I as a parent had to own my self and say, hey,

[00:19:23] you did not get the best version of me when you were younger and you 100% deserved it. And I apologize that you did not get what you deserved. And so that was the conversation we had.

[00:19:37] I wish I had the four sites to have the conversation that you just said about, hey, your older now, let's get to that's definitely meeting. Let's get to know each other. I'll over again. We're both in different phases of our lives. I love that so much.

[00:19:52] Thank you for sharing. You're welcome. You know, my mother, I love my mom so much and you know, my mom, she had addiction to crack okay. And so my mother before she would get high,

[00:20:07] I would be sitting there with her and she would cry and she would tell me, you know, how that addiction felt to her and she would tell me I was her rock. So I grew up in her rock.

[00:20:20] And I would listen to my mom advocate and I would hear her cry and big and important her heart out to organizations and agencies that really supported us. I mean, salvation army, city of your mission.

[00:20:34] St. Vincent de Paul, like all of these amazing organizations that became a pillar in our life. My mother was even in her addiction. She was seeking help. And she would teach us and she would teach us what she learned.

[00:20:51] You know, and so we were learning those communications skills and know how to be vulnerable through watching her. I grew up watching her and she would have communications, you know, he was sitting in half meetings with her.

[00:21:05] She just had an addiction and she couldn't fight it and she can know how to fight it. You know, and it's why I said, it's so it's so beautiful how you could have one background. I had a different background but the same issue was there. Yes.

[00:21:24] And look how you came out like, oh my god, because I heard a little bit of your story and you were so beautiful, so humble, so me not weak. I'm not loved it. So I just want to tell you that. I appreciate that.

[00:21:40] It's funny that you said that because I was thinking that about you, how despite everything you've been through, you have this beautiful heart. It's so easy because we've shared this, my parents both struggle with us, substance addiction as well.

[00:21:59] And it's so easy when you have a life that is uncertain to build up this hard shell and I so adore Lori that you have not. I don't know how you did it, I don't know how you did it.

[00:22:17] But I love that you have not and now one is you to finish talking. I think that popped up while you were saying about your mom who sounds amazing is that even when she was struggling with addiction, it did not fully consume who she was as a person.

[00:22:35] Yeah, it did it. And I know what you do. No, how special that is. She was still able to be vulnerable. She was still able to teach you all lessons. She was still kind to you all and I'm not saying that just because you struggle with addiction means

[00:22:53] that you become less kind. But I've heard a lot of stories, including my own, a people raised by parents who are struggling with addiction and yours is different. Right. And that is so special.

[00:23:13] And I think it's so important when I was growing up, I struggled with sharing that my parents struggle with substance abuse because I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. I felt like people would judge me. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me.

[00:23:28] What I learned through years of therapy is there's nothing to be ashamed of. Not for me and especially not for my parents. I am not ashamed of them. And what they've done or felt like they had to do to survive, they're changing that.

[00:23:52] They did the best they could with the schools that they had. I think it's important for us to normalize my personal opinion. But I think it's important for us to normalize talking about experiences like this because it's kind of like, don't talk about family business as private.

[00:24:15] Right? Yeah. Yeah, about that that's shameful. Don't talk about that. And that's if we've done our work to be able to have those discussions without being triggered, I've gone through lots of therapy, talk therapy and um D.R. therapy.

[00:24:33] I've processed a lot and so it doesn't trigger me to talk about my past or things that my parents face or dealt with. But I think it's so important for us to have those conversations because the glory,

[00:24:50] you're not the only one. I'm not the only one and someone listening may say, oh my goodness. I'm not alone. Yeah. And if they're in a thick of a right now, I will be okay because look at these two beautiful amazing women who made it.

[00:25:09] Right? Yes. Yes. Yes. The whole time you were talking, I like hip-sing and was the living room because we were we really in have, we were really we were homeless but we had like what were family,

[00:25:26] they were friends to my mother, but she had known them since they were young. And I'll never forget she picked up the phone and she called the as our DFS for Kansas City

[00:25:39] and she told them that she needed them to get her kids because she had an addiction and she didn't want her children in the streets with her. So my mother gave up her kids

[00:25:54] because she like I don't know what to do. I don't have no family. I don't have your bag. She loved us so much that she gave us up, you know. And so I think when you were talking

[00:26:06] and I heard all the love in your voice, I just my message to anybody because some people say how could you love your mom when she gave you up? Why do you still say she's your best friend?

[00:26:19] How was she your rock when she didn't provide? She neglected you. She said okay and it was nothing like that to me and I would say my mom is a queen. My mom and she she sacrificed.

[00:26:33] You know, her she didn't. She said that she says that for how long? For fall. Yeah. Right. It's on my mom. I didn't have that. She wasn't private. She's not private.

[00:26:45] You know, but I love her because she did something that is so hard for so many. She put us first. You know, she put us first and I'm just so thankful for that journey because I don't think

[00:26:57] that we went through what we went through for us. I think we went through what we went through for such a time as today because there's so many hurting young people and they don't understand how

[00:27:08] to navigate. And so I just applied you for being here for them. I really do thank you for being here because it's with me a little while to get here. Of course. And I just want to clarify,

[00:27:25] I love that your mom loved you all so much that she was like, hey, I need help. I can't do this on my own. That is not to say that moms or dads parents who did not make that call don't love their children

[00:27:40] because they also know for sure. No for sure. Did not make that call also loved me. That's not the same. But that's to say that your mom was like I said she was not fully

[00:27:51] concerned by her addiction and that is so powerful, so powerful. And I told I work with some adults who work with children in foster care. They say some of the same things. I don't get it.

[00:28:08] Why don't they be in the kids? Why don't the kids want to leave? Why do they why they still so loyal to their parents? At first I used to first try me but I had to step back and just think about

[00:28:21] a person who doesn't have that experience doesn't understand that regardless of what transpired that is still your mom, that is still your dad. That is the person who brought you into this world and every human being has redeeming qualities is what I want to believe in my

[00:28:40] optimistic world. Yes we're all flawed and yes sometimes our decisions harm others and we all make mistakes. Yeah so thank you for that. Hi I appreciate that. You look. What is the healthiest thing you've done for yourself? Everyone talks about

[00:29:01] work-like balance. Yes. I love self care and advocating for yourself, your health, right, your wellbeing and so for me my job can be very stressful. You know and having to be non-partisan home, my Lord that is so that is taxidone in the mind.

[00:29:23] In the heart and my body I was like I started experiencing burnout and I started having symptoms. So now I'm like my Nemia. Oh my gosh my iron is really low and I'm tired and I'm petite and

[00:29:39] I can't really focus and I'm stressed out and I'm crying and I don't want to go to work and all of these things and finally I said you know I'm going to go to the doctor for God was going on.

[00:29:49] I'm not advocating for myself and say hey can I please take short-term disability because I need 30 days to get myself together. I need a part you know 30 days without pain but that was something that I did for me. That was something that I needed because during this time

[00:30:06] I was able to come up with a plan on how I'm going to move forward while I take care of my health and also feed my mental spiritual and physical body at once. You know what I have without

[00:30:20] having to worry about the task of work. Yes so I would say that's the one thing that I need for myself. I love that what I heard flory is the healthiest thing thus far because you'll do some more healthy

[00:30:33] things for yourself. But they help you to give doctor yourself thus far. It's prioritized your mental health if you're a year's zero to self over financial means. So saying yes this is going to be

[00:30:48] leave without pain but there is no amount of money worth the health of my body. I'm mental health and myself. Yes yes yes I love that that takes a certain amount of

[00:31:09] faith, bravery, odds to be able to do that right because that's the key that you need scary and so that's very admirable. Thank you it was scary but it's over now I go back to work on the first

[00:31:28] how is your self talk? Are you challenging negative thoughts? I'm going to go back to my mother because she's like yeah she is in the pillar okay and she's always told me what she learned

[00:31:44] because I've not gone through therapy I've been able to have loads for a therapist but I have not found one that I fit with yet. So reminded me of my therapist information after this.

[00:31:56] Okay thank you because I need what that will be amazing but my mom always says change your channels of your minds. And so because I would tell her like mom I'm just you know I would tell

[00:32:09] everything and I would just cry and just and she would say baby you can you say you could work with the mental you and I said she said because you can't get caught up in people's thoughts

[00:32:21] and what they feel it. People dealing with all sorts of things. She's this so change your channels of your mind and so when I start feeling like I'm not good enough or I did something to

[00:32:33] someone and that's why they're mistreating me or ignoring me or leaving me out or whatever it is that I feel that for some reason I'm trying to get that person's attention and maybe I do something

[00:32:46] wrong and maybe I could do something right. I think about what my mom says change your channels of your mind and focus on yourself. Yeah. Focus on what you could be doing and so that's what I

[00:32:56] always say if my mom go to the left I bring me right back. We go to the right I bring you right back you know like just changing the channels of my mind okay how do you do that? How do you change the

[00:33:06] channels in your mind can you talk more about that like what is the process of doing that? Yeah a lot for me has always been because I've like I said I'm working on overcoming what people

[00:33:18] think about me so that's always been the obstacle for me of going forward is what someone thinks about me and so now I'll say okay if this person is rude or neglectful or whatever they're

[00:33:37] doing to me I'll say well maybe it wasn't me maybe they're having a bad maybe they're dealing with some issues maybe it's all of them and it's not me so let me take me out of this equation and just

[00:33:48] pray for them and stay out of their way give them that space to figure it out but I can't treat through their problems because I have enough of my own so I have to change channels of my

[00:34:00] mind by just filtering through. It's not me it's them and if it is me then I'll work through that if I am the one with the problem then I suggest that and I'm very real with myself I become I'm

[00:34:12] pretty what did you do what did you say you know you can be passive for cursive yeah I probably and then I apologize it and it's so funny I mean I meant it but I didn't mean it like that.

[00:34:27] Sorry I am just floored by that I didn't have a thought about not taking things personally and that's what it sounds like you just described and so it's like if someone is having a bad day

[00:34:42] sometimes if we're not somewhere we may accidentally project our emotions of our bad day onto others yell at them get impatient while we're driving and the grocery store whatever it is

[00:34:56] but how we can help the world be a better place without signing corn or cliche is if we each stop and say wait a minute I don't think that anything to do with me. I'll keep an example I was recently

[00:35:11] on a trip to DC and I'm I'm a normally a bubbly person and so this particular down with a group of co-workers and I'm bubbly and one of my co-workers is like you're doing too much

[00:35:28] and it hurt my feelings so much and I I cried and then I did myself reflect like like am I doing so much time I mean and I was like wait a minute and then Kita you're fine

[00:35:43] that had nothing to do with you that person had some stuff going on in here and they projected but it's still a minute for me to get there put you still progress right because in the past

[00:35:53] I wouldn't have gotten there at all I would have just kept reliving it and reliving it and so progress is finally got there and the goal is to not even do it for a little bit

[00:36:03] that's just like you can have that back I'm not taking that on and so I love that you recognize that and I'm working on that and I think that's a skill that is underrated just like that awesome

[00:36:15] parenting skill you gave that I think is underrated I think this skill is also underrated because we can't control of the people right and so people who haven't done their work will continue

[00:36:24] to project negativity unhealthy thoughts unhappy thoughts and then but it's hard job to say I'm not picking that up I will not pick that up and so that's underrated skill that I am working on because

[00:36:36] I've spent so many years worrying about as you say what people think about me and so I'm working on that as well I love that I love that I'm proud of you you know because like I've been done

[00:36:51] like that before I went home I worked at a because I'm the preschool teacher for 17 to half years and I would get to work in the mornings and I'd be so happy you know and I would just be bubbly

[00:37:02] and good morning I'm running you know I love you love love hugs right and one of the teachers was like oh my god really Lori like are you happy every day someone wasn't there

[00:37:15] can I see it I was like I don't know I did I last I did last I said you know I think something's wrong with you because some you need to go see a doctor and I did say that and the teacher that was

[00:37:28] sitting in the room she just kind of looked like you did I was like I didn't mean for it it was just like you just rained on my parade I'm happy you're sad go find your life that's hard when people

[00:37:41] challenge your your good spirits like that yeah you know so proud of you thank you I'm proud of you I think you're saying you last out but what I would say you deal was

[00:37:56] speak up for your so versus me who just went in a corner and cried and still didn't mean to think that person know that I don't think they know that it bothered me so I'm proud of you

[00:38:06] first speaking up for yourself. You, my mom always say you were because she said the things we don't say because she's a say I wish I could be you for just one day I have your whole world in order

[00:38:16] and I say mom I don't think because people would say things and do things to me and I would be crying and I'd be so hurt and she's like I wish she said the things you don't be the things you

[00:38:30] don't say but the things you regret and I said he like what does that mean but now she was trying to tell me with them boundaries and demand your respect because you give it and you deserve to have

[00:38:42] respect back yes you agree Laurie and I think because when I was younger I was that person you could get anything passed and you were gonna get it for you hear me I was gonna chew you up

[00:38:56] chew you down chew you and spit you out okay but then when I started working on me I became less assertive in that respect because I'm still assertive because that's not personality but like

[00:39:10] if people are attacking me my first instinct was not to attack back anymore and yes there's this balance that I have to figure out of not seeing on the end of I'm gonna let you have it

[00:39:22] because I'm also the Laurie my vibration but also not being completely passive which is not healthy for me so I think for me it's finding that middle ground of sometimes you don't deserve a response and

[00:39:36] we'll let you sit in that negativity or have an response that's not in anger and saying hey that was pretty mean you know and then I'm not Lauren my vibration I'm not being rude and I'm also sticking up for myself

[00:39:49] and I'm trying to make baby stuff you go get there you got this I got this you Laurie what is something that you're proud of you know I moved a thousand miles away sight on

[00:40:04] scene to Arizona when my babies were one in two years old I found a house online based off of Jo Ostein sermon with his palm trees don't they been but they don't break right so

[00:40:22] a palm tree is definitely resilient because they've been but they don't break and so God brought me here and everyone thought I had lost my mind they were you not gonna visit you just going to pick

[00:40:36] up and take the kids I wouldn't found a moving company and I had to move all of them so my kids didn't even know they had moved to another state they didn't even know that there wasn't a whole

[00:40:46] other state because everything of theirs was there was here and so not only did I come but God used me like Joseph in the Bible so I walked that on faith and then my mother who had been addicted to drugs

[00:41:00] she finally came and then she went called turkey on you know no more crack cocaine my sister came with her children because Kansas City is beautiful but there's a lot of different things people

[00:41:12] can get into and I didn't want my kids to get lost into those things and so I my faith moved opened up the door from my family to come to so that they can change their life so my son always says

[00:41:27] mom do you realize that some of the kids that are born in the family wouldn't have been born if you had to move here and he gave me the life line and I was like oh my gosh like even the

[00:41:39] kids father we are not together right but we just grew apart but we had been together for 11 almost 11 years and he met the love of his life and I know some people like wow you should have been

[00:41:51] but you know it always worked that way you know sometimes we're with each other for different reasons but he met the love of his life and I'm okay with that but they had two more kids so my son's like

[00:42:03] mom you know the babies wouldn't even have been here if it wasn't for you and I love those babies those are my babies I love them you know and I'm like wow they my sister has some kids and

[00:42:13] they wouldn't have been here and I'm like okay life line so I'm proud that I was obedient you know what I hear Lori and you call it life line and I the word that pops up to me is legacy

[00:42:29] look at the old legacy your building look at that look at the generation mode trauma that's stopping with you and there is everything and you should be very proud very very proud so I love

[00:42:47] that example because I'm sure there are so many things that you can be proud of that you've done in your lifetime and I love this and I love that you highlighted this one what I love about

[00:42:58] this is that it keeps going it's kind of live past you and I think that's phenomenal thank you for sharing that oh you're welcome thank you any thank you want to say before we and the episode you know a lot

[00:43:15] of times when you're a dreamer and I'm a dreamer and I'm and people always say you have to be focused on one thing but I got this sticker the other day and the sticker was a informational

[00:43:27] sticker and I said who said you had to choose and so I just want to share that like if you want to do something doing and don't worry about what someone else say that you cannot do because those

[00:43:39] are their limits and not yours that is a beautiful way to end thank you so much for taking time to share your insight your personal experiences and being vulnerable I really appreciate it

[00:43:55] thank you so much you look I think you of course I hope this episode gave you some tools to connect with and increase your resiliency I'm proud of you let's keep up the momento follow resilient life on your favorite podcast platform and on YouTube at resilient life podcast

[00:44:17] until next time be kind to yourself and others