How to get off of autopilot

[00:00:00] You are listening to Resilient Life, the podcast where we explore the power of resiliency.

[00:00:10] I'm Nikita Ross.

[00:00:12] It is my hope that listening to this podcast will give you the tools to connect with and

[00:00:18] increase your resiliency means to be strong, to just make it every day and to be happy with who you are. I like that, that's a really good definition, the being happy with who you are. I haven't heard that in the definition

[00:01:41] and I really like that I may incorporate that

[00:01:43] into my definition of resilience.

[00:01:46] With that definition that your life is perfect, which no one has a perfect life, or that you're always happy. That also is not what resilience means. If we think back to that definition that you gave us, of like just overcoming and being happy with yourself. And so being happy with yourself is like content just trying to be the best who you can be. Even if you're like, today I'm gonna smile at five different people, or today I'm gonna find something beautiful that I wanna do that makes me happy.

[00:04:21] I would tell them that that can be resilient.

[00:04:24] And that shows that make me happy. What is something that makes you happy, Maya?

[00:05:40] You are touching on some really deep questions. that also makes me very happy. But I'm discovering things every day that make me happy and I'm trying to find things that make me happy. So I'm still trying to find my hobbies. Painting is something that I've discovered. So I think that also makes me happy. So a few things, but I'm hoping to find

[00:07:00] as time goes by and as I try to work on myself more, I'm trying to find more things that make that I was very unhappy in. To move to a state that I feel really happy in. So me moving, that was one of the- So like a physical state, not a state of mind? A physical state, the United States. To move from New York to Texas,

[00:08:22] that was a very, very big thing that I needed to do.

[00:09:27] the motions. I don't, there wasn't ever a stop for me and I just couldn't see the beauty in anything.

[00:09:35] And there was just no happiness. I just was every day, just this is the schedule, but not being present in life. So to try to get Huffa autopilot was probably

[00:10:44] And it sounds like you said you have taken some steps to start getting out of autopilot.

[00:10:46] Will you tell us about it? I can't take all the credit, even though if you know my personality, you know, I try to,

[00:10:51] um, I would say you as my mom actually told me.

[00:10:58] I did not realize that I was an autopilot.

[00:12:04] heard that term, I'm on autopilot.

[00:12:07] Would you describe it as just like going through the motions of life, but not fully present?

[00:12:10] And I don't, I want to try to use a word besides present,

[00:12:13] but not fully here.

[00:12:15] How would you describe autopilot?

[00:12:20] Basically how I would describe autopilot,

[00:13:26] the day. There's no happiness. There's nothing behind it. This is just what you're doing every single day. And then you look back and you're like, what do I have to show for it?

[00:13:32] And I think that's what autopilot is. That makes sense. And when you say I had doing

[00:13:40] a job, that job is living life. So you wake up just doing a pattern that I always do every day and I didn't feel anything behind it. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think sometimes we as humans, we, life can be

[00:15:00] hard. First let's start with that life can be very challenging at times and I of what do we want to do, how do we define true happiness, and what do we want to do to get there. And if it is doing those things that I mentioned, no judgment, live your best life. But if it's not starting to identify what things you celebrate yourself? That is a great question. I feel like this actually goes with another one of your questions, which is. What makes you happy? Because to celebrate myself, I have to figure out what makes me happy to because whatever makes me happy.

[00:17:43] I can celebrate, you know, I can use that to celebrate.

[00:17:45] I'm still learning how to celebrate myself because I, Maya, let's figure out what's going to bring you joy. School doesn't teach us that. Society doesn't really tell us how to do that. And so I think it's normal for us to sometimes struggle with one, figuring out what makes us happy and then how to celebrate ourselves because those things aren't really taught or shown.

[00:19:02] And then I also think that that changes throughout our lives at different phases of our lives. or a song that resonates with you, your life, what would it be? A song that you could sing, look in the mirror, and it would just make you smile, make you feel good about know. I'm going to try. I'm not going to give up. It's even like your choice in songs is like, don't give up. Keep trying. Try again. Try again. I love it.

[00:21:42] I think that what makes me proud every day and what makes me want to be practical and try is my mom. No one gave you the rule book. I'm not gonna go on your story, but where you are now, I don't think anybody would know where you came from

[00:23:00] if you didn't tell.

[00:23:03] According to life, you might not,

[00:23:06] you probably shouldn't be you and for your sister. You deserved a because you have made it through 100% of the challenges you have faced this far. And as you continue on and get more tools and increase your resili myself for. Just because I don't regret it doesn't mean that I forgive myself. Wow. Wow. And I know I realize that that stems from me. I can't, I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for things that I've done. So how can I give you any grace if I don't give myself grace? So I think it is so important to learn how to forgive yourself because that it helps you. First of all, be

[00:28:23] a better person for yourself. If I forgave you, I'm mad at myself, I feel shame for myself.

[00:29:43] And that's not something that happens overnight.

[00:29:45] You don't just wake up one happy and whatever happiness means for you. We do recognize that when people, sometimes harm is caused unintentionally because people are still on autopilot. And then we learn not to take things personally.

[00:31:00] Other people's words, actions, behaviors, personally fact that we want to, and the fact that we're making baby steps, we should be really, really proud of ourselves. I'm very proud of you. I want to thank you for agreeing to be a guest on the podcast and be as vulnerable as you