Learn How To Embrace Joy With Our Special Podcast Guest.

[00:00:03] . You are listening to Resilient Life, the podcast where we explore the power of resiliency.

[00:00:10] I'm Nikita Ross. It is my hope that listening to this podcast will give you the tools to

[00:00:17] connect with and increase your resiliency. So join me on this adventure of self discovery

[00:00:24] and self love. Thank you for joining us for this episode of Resilient Life, the podcast

[00:00:35] where we explore all things resiliency. Today, we have a wonderful guest and I am so looking

[00:00:44] forward to hearing all of her thoughtful responses. So Kizzie, will you please introduce yourself?

[00:00:51] Tell us your full name, your occupation and anything else that you want us to know about

[00:00:56] you. Sure. Thank you Nikita for having me. Hello everyone. My name is Kizzie Smith.

[00:01:03] I am born and raised Baltimorean. I am an educator by trade, however, currently working

[00:01:10] in finance and education. I've been in education for, I had to look at the year, for 23 years.

[00:01:17] So I've done a few different things like different things in education. So I've kind

[00:01:22] of like, it hasn't been a straight trajectory. So I've done a whole bunch of different

[00:01:28] stuff but still within the education sector. So even though you're saying like it's

[00:01:33] been different areas of education, it's still in the field of education. And we know

[00:01:40] that education is pivotal for us as humans for growing our young minds and there are

[00:01:49] so many facets to make education work. So yes, our teachers are wonderful. We

[00:01:55] love them. Our principals are wonderful. But we have all this other staff around

[00:02:02] that help keep a school going. We have our cafeteria people or a bus drivers. We have

[00:02:08] our finance people. We have all our behind the scenes people who keep this unit of

[00:02:17] education working. So I think the fact that you've been in the field of education,

[00:02:21] even though you've transitioned within different areas, I think that's awesome.

[00:02:27] Good job. And thank you for that. I tried to leave the field, but it just called me back.

[00:02:35] Which is perfect for the question I was about to ask you. What do you love about education?

[00:02:41] The thing I love most about education is how like you said, just how pivotal it is. So

[00:02:47] anything you know, thank a teacher for. And so being able to, the thing I like about

[00:02:55] being in the field is having an opportunity to influence policy around education and practice.

[00:03:04] So I've done, I spent most of my career in charter. And so in doing so having

[00:03:12] opportunities to really craft what I felt like or we as a part of a team felt like it should

[00:03:19] look like. And boy has that changed over the years as to what we were doing 20 years ago.

[00:03:24] And when we look at it now, we cringe honestly. So being in this space gives me a different

[00:03:30] opportunity to affect change and kind of like stay attached without being on the ground level

[00:03:41] because the ground level can burn you up. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. We do. I've had your,

[00:03:46] I think the third person who's in the field of education on here. And we talked about how

[00:03:54] there can be a high turnover rate, a high burnout rate in the field of education for

[00:04:00] several reasons. And one of the main reasons is we're not valuing our educators the way we

[00:04:06] should and we're not, and that reflects in how we pay them. So yeah, I get that. And I

[00:04:11] love that you figured out a way to stay connected to the field of education without saying

[00:04:19] I'm done. You're like, this field is important to me. So let me figure out how I can stay

[00:04:24] connected. So I like that. That's really good. That's good thinking out of the box, Kizzy.

[00:04:28] How do you define resilience? I define resilience as that bounce back, right? So

[00:04:35] life is going through life. But resilience is the ability to keep pushing through

[00:04:43] all that life throws at you. And yeah, that's resilience. So in its purest form,

[00:04:51] I think that's resilience, right? So like later in life, I realized, you know, real resilience,

[00:04:59] it's a little deeper than that. Being able to actually process all of those things that happen

[00:05:04] to you to really be resilient and be able to show up as your true self without the influence

[00:05:09] of your trauma. I consider that resilience at this point, but I think base level resilience is

[00:05:14] bounce back, be able to keep pushing through. Thank you for that.

[00:05:18] I think on the surface, a lot of people's definition is the bounce back, which isn't wrong.

[00:05:26] I, when I started this podcast and I actually been doing and focusing on resiliency for

[00:05:33] over a decade at this point because of the second definition you gave. Once I realized that

[00:05:38] it's so much more than the bounce back. And so with either definition that you just gave or both,

[00:05:47] do you consider yourself resilient? I do actually. And you know, I also consider myself

[00:05:54] blessed, right? So I have not had what most would consider severe trauma, right? Like yeah,

[00:06:01] regular trauma from life. But, you know, I consider myself privileged, even though,

[00:06:07] you know, I grew up in what is considered a very unprivileged, underprivileged area

[00:06:13] and very underprivileged circumstances, but I felt protected. So, you know, I've been

[00:06:21] protected from the trauma, right? So, and not that it never touched me,

[00:06:27] but I was given the tools early to be able to separate myself from it. You know, not,

[00:06:37] not, not take on the trauma as a part of who I am. It's just a part of the experience.

[00:06:44] I would say like, if there was a course in being resilient, that last part you said about

[00:06:51] not taking it on as a part of who I am would be graduate level. That's, I can't wait to

[00:06:57] dive into that as we get into these questions because that's pretty advanced. And I don't mean

[00:07:03] that in a condescending way. It's just like the have that wherewithal. It takes, it took me

[00:07:11] and a lot of people time to get there. So I'll get you ahead of that. Maybe we should

[00:07:16] switch roles and you should be asking the questions. Now I'm 46, it took time here

[00:07:21] over here, okay? It took time. This development and learning to reflect and then I'm an empath.

[00:07:27] So like, being able to separate other people's trauma, like it's been a process. It's been

[00:07:33] a graduate level course. What made you smile today? Oh my gosh. So I have an eight-year-old

[00:07:41] and he is in a book club and they've been reading the series, The Bad Guys Club or The Bad Guys.

[00:07:52] A series that I tried to get him to start reading a long time ago. He was like, no,

[00:07:56] but his homie was in a book club and they were reading The Bad Guys Club. He's like,

[00:08:01] oh yeah, I'll go. And then now he loves it. And the book club is only on like book,

[00:08:08] I think they're on like book seven. This child in mind is always on book 15, no 18,

[00:08:16] which we had to go to the library to get today because his school's library didn't have it

[00:08:21] because it's relatively new. We couldn't find it. It was one copy left and they couldn't

[00:08:27] find it. So the guy's running around trying to find it everywhere and he walks back to the

[00:08:32] counter with it. And my child's eyes just almost pop out of his head. He's so excited. He's

[00:08:38] jumping up and down. He's in the library, so he's quiet, but he's jumping up and down.

[00:08:41] He's so excited and I couldn't help but smile real hard. I smile all day,

[00:08:48] but smile real hard and very genuinely. Hizzy, there's so many layers to that story.

[00:08:54] You're raising a young black male and you're implementing the

[00:09:05] wonderful world. And I'm biased because I love reading as well. The wonderful world of

[00:09:10] reading. You're teaching him that, you're wrapping him in that. And that is so amazing

[00:09:18] that you're supporting that, encouraging that and that he loves it. When I was younger,

[00:09:26] and I'm old, I have you by a year, the girls we would read and then we would talk to the

[00:09:34] boys and say, you're going to read. And they were too cool, nerds read. And so that's why

[00:09:40] I'm saying it's so many layers of the awesomeness of that story. Does that make sense?

[00:09:47] It does. And I appreciate it. It's not easy, right? So nothing in parenthood is easy.

[00:09:55] But finding the right book to really, or series, I like series because he gets really roped in.

[00:10:04] Finding the right books for kids is difficult in and of itself. I'm a reading teacher,

[00:10:09] where I was a reading teacher. And finding books for boys is definitely a challenge.

[00:10:15] I always found that my male students always like nonfiction. I hate nonfiction. I don't

[00:10:21] watch nonfiction. Well, I haven't. I just started this year literally. But I watch

[00:10:25] nonfiction. I ain't read nonfiction. I'll do nonfiction. Reading has always been my escape.

[00:10:31] And so nonfiction is ugly and real in life. Who wants to read about life when you live

[00:10:37] in it every day? Yeah. So, you know, my son started reading it too. And, you know,

[00:10:45] we've had our ebbs and flows with his desire to read. So I found that for him,

[00:10:50] finding a series is the way. The way in the light.

[00:10:56] I like that. Thank you for doing a great job at raising a wonderful black male.

[00:11:05] Dream's still out, but we got hope. And Shalom.

[00:11:07] So you already know that, and I don't have to tell you this because I know you know it,

[00:11:14] so much of how a person ends up, their personality, their traits, their qualities

[00:11:22] is due to that foundation that happens when they're in their young childhood. So you're

[00:11:28] already doing it. You're building that solid foundation. So give yourself some credit.

[00:11:33] Yes, ma'am.

[00:11:34] How do you celebrate yourself?

[00:11:37] Oh, girl, I had to think about that when I read that. I was like, do I celebrate myself?

[00:11:41] And like, I don't know. I don't know that I do.

[00:11:47] I was racking my brain. Like, I don't know that I celebrate myself. Like, I celebrate

[00:11:53] others. But for myself, it feels like what's there to celebrate? Like, I ain't

[00:12:00] did nothing. You know, like, I'm harsh on myself and I know that. But it's like,

[00:12:07] I have these goals, right? And if I ain't reached them, what you celebrate in this?

[00:12:14] Like, regular stuff? Okay, great. You did the regular stuff. You did a little bit more than

[00:12:20] the regular stuff. Cool. But it's not anything to celebrate. So I don't think I celebrate

[00:12:23] myself. I don't.

[00:12:27] Thank you for that honesty and vulnerability. Yes, celebrate the regular stuff every day,

[00:12:36] all day, because not everybody even gets the regular stuff. And you also say I did a little

[00:12:44] bit more than the extra, the more than regular stuff. Celebrate that too, because not everybody

[00:12:51] has that, are able to do that. So yes, celebrate that. And Kizzie, celebrate the fact that

[00:13:00] you are a creative. You make beautiful jewelry. You are a warm, welcoming human.

[00:13:12] When I first met you, I just felt connected to you. And I don't always feel that way with

[00:13:21] people. People feel connected to me because I give out those vibes, but it's not always.

[00:13:27] Celebrate that you have a wonderful heart. None of us are perfect, Kizzie. We're going to mess

[00:13:32] up. We're going to think bad things, say bad things, but you at your core, Kizzie, are a

[00:13:37] good soul, a good person, you're kind. Celebrate the fact that you are jovial.

[00:13:44] That whole time we hung out, and like you just said, it's yourself. You're always smiling.

[00:13:52] Jovialness. Do you know how many people are walking around wanting to tap into happiness

[00:13:58] or smile, but they have a hard time? Celebrate that. Celebrate that you are raising

[00:14:05] a wonderful black son. Celebrate that you are doing the absolute best you can as a mother.

[00:14:17] Celebrate that you have been in education for two decades. Do you want me to keep going?

[00:14:23] Because, sis, I got you. Okay. I'm going to celebrate me. Yay me. Kizzie,

[00:14:31] what is your theme song? So if you're looking in the mirror, and it's a day, and you know it's

[00:14:39] going to be a day, and you got to either pump yourself up, what's your theme song?

[00:14:44] So it's a gospel song, and I can't think of the artist right now as like Zay something.

[00:14:50] It's God Do It For Me. Lord, if you don't do it, it just won't get done.

[00:14:59] Oh Lord, do it for me. Because sometimes, Lord, no, I can't do it. I just can't.

[00:15:11] Yeah. Yeah. I need the intercession to happen. Hello.

[00:15:17] I get that. Yeah. You have a beautiful voice. Celebrate that. Thank you.

[00:15:24] Yeah, that song. So my first encounter with that song, like it was just at the right time.

[00:15:35] My car had gotten broken into with me. Like I was standing feet away,

[00:15:39] like maybe 10 feet away. And they pulled up on the side of it and went into it on the side

[00:15:45] that I couldn't see. And by the time I noticed they were pulling off, I was like, oh my

[00:15:50] gosh. So I was through, done. I thought my passport was in there. And you know,

[00:15:55] they didn't really take anything. There wasn't really anything in there. But they took things

[00:15:59] that were meaningful. And I just, I was spent and it was a holiday, like it was Thanksgiving.

[00:16:06] And I was just really, really done. And I sang that over and over, played it over and over

[00:16:13] and just had my little moment. And since then, it's become my go-to.

[00:16:18] What have you learned about yourself recently?

[00:16:24] So I already hear what you're going to say in response to this, but this is where I am

[00:16:28] in this current space. This is where I am right now over the last 20, not even 24 hours,

[00:16:34] but this way I'm at. I've always thought of myself as extra special, right? Exceptional.

[00:16:42] I have a really high IQ. I got things very early in life, like about myself, self-acceptance,

[00:16:53] you know, all those pieces that came very early for me. So when teenage friends and 20-year-old

[00:16:59] friends and 30- and 40-year-old friends were struggling in their space, I wasn't there.

[00:17:04] I was always above the curve or whatever, beyond the curve.

[00:17:09] So I've thought of myself as this exceptional person. So I want all the amazingly exceptional

[00:17:15] things, right? Like I want the out-of-the-box job and that's my goal. And if I can't have that,

[00:17:21] then I'm trash. And I want the amazing man with all the things and he has to love me like this

[00:17:29] and da-da-da-da-da. All of the amazing, exceptional, super, dramatical, amazing pieces

[00:17:36] from my son, you know, from my son, from my home, you know, everything. And what I discovered

[00:17:41] yesterday is I'm regular and that's okay. It's okay to be regular. Ain't nothing wrong with

[00:17:49] regular. So that's my recent discovery. Okay. I'm regular and I'm okay with it.

[00:17:58] I like that you said you know what I'm going to say to that. And I don't think you do.

[00:18:04] I had a conversation similar to this earlier today with someone and we were talking about

[00:18:13] imposter syndrome. I don't know I can say that. And we were saying like there's no purpose for

[00:18:20] it because none of us know what we're doing. We're all trying to figure out life. We're all

[00:18:27] trying to figure out how to do our jobs better, how to parent better, how to be better

[00:18:31] partners, how to be better children. If our parents are alive, we're all trying to figure it out.

[00:18:39] And so in essence, we all are regular. What we do as society, in my personal

[00:18:47] opinion, is lift some up and say, hey, you look like this so you're better. Hey,

[00:18:53] you have this ability to think like this so you're better. Hey, you have this amount of

[00:18:58] money so you're better when all of us are regular. We have different traits and qualities

[00:19:03] and skills, but we're all regular. My personal opinion. So I like that you came to that

[00:19:10] revelation. I think it's awesome. Is that what you thought I was going to say?

[00:19:15] No, not at all. Not at all. Okay, you're right. I know.

[00:19:24] What brings you joy?

[00:19:26] What brings me joy? So many things bring me joy, right? And I recognize that it's a blessing

[00:19:32] to be able to say that. But it doesn't take a lot. Thoughtfulness brings me joy.

[00:19:42] And on both ends, it feels good when I am thoughtful when it comes to,

[00:19:49] where I exercise thoughtfulness when it comes to someone else because it makes me feel like

[00:19:54] I'm a good person. And it's not that I'm trying, I am going to be thoughtful in that,

[00:19:59] that, that. It just is, right? But I feel good about it. And then it's also good when someone

[00:20:09] expresses thoughtfulness in relation to me. It makes me feel loved, right? So

[00:20:17] loved, cared for, valued in a particular way, right? Or by a particular person or set of people.

[00:20:27] So yeah, thoughtfulness.

[00:20:28] So when do you feel like you can tap into your inner child? So be silly.

[00:20:40] The example I always give is for me, so I have a 28-year-old. Don't tell her,

[00:20:47] I can't remember how old she is. And

[00:20:54] thank you. And a 21-year-old. And so my 28-year-old has a best friend. So

[00:20:59] she's my bonus daughter. And I always say when I'm with them, I'm silly.

[00:21:04] I'm awkward. I'm goofy. I'm gross, like disgusting. I'm just free. So I tap into my

[00:21:16] inner child when I'm with them. I fully let my nerd out because my nerd doesn't always come up.

[00:21:27] So with them, so when are you able to tap into that inner child, that most free version of Kizzee?

[00:21:39] No, because I don't know that I know what my most free self looks like.

[00:21:45] So one thing about me is that I don't care about other people's judgment.

[00:21:53] So I'm whatever I want to be in whatever moment I want to be in.

[00:22:00] So there's a lot of that, but it's not always a comfortable space.

[00:22:04] I'm going to do it because that is me, but I recognize that sometimes it's uncomfortable for

[00:22:13] me. So the place where it is the most comfortable is probably, so I have an ex who definitely

[00:22:25] gives me that. But my line sisters, my line sisters, as I mentioned to you before,

[00:22:32] we just celebrated our 25th anniversary. Congratulations.

[00:22:35] Congratulations.

[00:22:38] These people have known me since I was a teenager. We've known each other since we were teenagers,

[00:22:47] and so we've been through all, and my line is very close, and we've been through

[00:22:51] all of life's ups and downs together and everything in between. And so

[00:22:58] you can't really put on airs with people who know all your dirty laundry,

[00:23:05] people who know you're good, bad, ugly and indifferent. So there's a

[00:23:11] freedom there as well. Yeah, I like it as well. So yeah, I would say

[00:23:23] my line sisters consistently offer that, and they take me as I am, but they call me out on

[00:23:30] myself too. Yeah, we need that, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

[00:23:39] I love that. I love that you and your line sisters have remained close. You hold each

[00:23:45] other accountable. You love on each other. You support each other, and you are your

[00:23:50] authentic selves with each other. I think that's amazing. And I love that that is a

[00:23:57] safe space for you. And although I am always myself, I don't, when I'm in a professional

[00:24:07] setting or if I don't know someone really well, I'm not going to bust out just acting silly

[00:24:14] because it's just not the space for it, if that makes sense. And so that's why when

[00:24:18] I'm with my daughter and bonus daughter, I'm just like, and I'm still myself because us

[00:24:25] humans were multifaceted. But I'm just like, I'm not putting on airs when I'm with other

[00:24:31] people because I'm always authentically Nikita. But when I'm with them, it just gets, it's

[00:24:38] happened to the inner child and just be outrageously silly. So yeah. Where do you feel,

[00:24:50] and I wonder if, I think I feel like I know this answer a little bit. Where do you feel

[00:24:55] the most peace, the most calm? Is it at home? Is it at the park?

[00:25:02] It is a beach. It's a beach. Put me on a beach anywhere. Give me sand and ocean water

[00:25:11] and let me be. Put a drink in my hand and let me be. I was going to say,

[00:25:15] oh, gotta have a drink in hand. Yeah. And if that girl, and if that is a hammock,

[00:25:20] you'd be lucky to get me back because a beach and a hammock. I'm done. I'm done. I don't need

[00:25:30] nothing else. You're good. And are you sleeping? Are you reading a book or maybe any of it?

[00:25:40] Sometimes I'm literally just sitting and looking at the beauty of God's creations,

[00:25:48] right? So there's so much peace and renewal in that for me. That is where I go to rejuvenate.

[00:25:59] And so sometimes it used to be, in my 20s, it was don't talk to me, I'm reading my book.

[00:26:07] And so I have the same travel partner from my 20s today. And we've changed quite a bit

[00:26:13] over the years. And so she used to throw things at me because I wouldn't talk to her.

[00:26:20] I was reading my book. So that space is so, we've made life decisions.

[00:26:30] We save conversations till we get to the beach because we believe in the positive ions and

[00:26:37] the effect that they have. And so, yeah, the beach is my absolute, absolute space

[00:26:46] where I am most at peace. I love that. How often are you able to get to the beach?

[00:26:50] Usually I travel. So over the last five years, it's been anywhere between six and 11 months

[00:26:57] out of the year where I'm somewhere. Oh, wow. This year, this year I didn't set my tail

[00:27:02] down because I'm going to be a grown up now. And I don't want to, but I'm being grown up

[00:27:06] now with these finances and make some better decisions because retirement is, it ain't that

[00:27:11] far away. Or the idea of retirement, who knows when I would actually be able to retire, but

[00:27:17] the idea of retirement isn't that far away. So I have to do a little better planning.

[00:27:24] Sounds like you may not be able to go as often as you used to, but the fact that you

[00:27:29] can still go, I would say it's still a privilege and a great thing because not everyone

[00:27:35] has that ability to do that. So I'm happy to have the opportunity to do that.

[00:27:41] So this year, it'll be three to four. It'll be three to four this year and they may not be as

[00:27:51] extravagant as I might like them to be, but it'll still be sufficient and fun and relaxing

[00:28:01] and all those pieces. I need it. It's like air. It's like air. I need that specific brand of air.

[00:28:13] Oh, I'm going to skip this one. Oh, and not one too. I'm going to come back to it,

[00:28:21] not skip it completely, but just come back to it. I want to start with this one.

[00:28:25] What is something you are proud of?

[00:28:30] I think the thing in the world that I'm, well, hmm. So, can I say two things?

[00:28:37] So I'm very proud of the fact that my child is a happy kid.

[00:28:44] He is a ball of joy from the time he wakes up to the time his eyes fall closed.

[00:28:55] And so I know, you know, I've worked with children for 20 plus years. I know what goes

[00:29:01] into that, right? So I feel good about that. I'm proud to be a good mother, period.

[00:29:08] Yes.

[00:29:08] I'm proud that I'm a good mother. Am I perfect?

[00:29:10] Yes.

[00:29:11] Period. Oh, what it is. I'm proud that I'm a good mother. Am I perfect? Absolutely not.

[00:29:15] Are there some things that I'm working on? Absolutely. Do I have some commitments

[00:29:18] I'm trying to make to myself about how I parent? Absolutely. You know, but I'm a good mother.

[00:29:25] And when my mommy says it, that is just like, that just makes me feel really,

[00:29:31] really, really awesome. And then professionally, I would say I'm proudest of

[00:29:37] chartering a school in the neighborhood in which I grew up in.

[00:29:41] Wow.

[00:29:41] So that's my proudest moment. So let me restate that. Being a part of a team

[00:29:54] that opened a school in the neighborhood in which I grew up in, I ain't write no charters.

[00:29:58] Wow. Okay. Now that's a really huge accomplishment.

[00:30:03] Yes.

[00:30:03] That's still really good. I love that. Congratulations on both fronts. Good job,

[00:30:10] because that's not easy. Neither one.

[00:30:13] I'm switching gears a little bit, Kizzy, and the question's a little heavier.

[00:30:17] Uh oh, uh oh. Okay. Let me take a drink.

[00:30:20] All right. This is the one that I skipped. I'm coming back to it. You ready?

[00:30:26] How is your self-talk? Are you challenging negative thoughts and encouraging positive

[00:30:32] thoughts? No. I'm not in a good place right now.

[00:30:40] And so sometimes I challenge negative thoughts, but no, that's not my current pattern of behavior.

[00:30:50] I am extremely reflective, and so I may go back and check myself on those thoughts later,

[00:30:59] but my natural self in this space, I'm not challenging negative thoughts at all.

[00:31:06] And I'm challenging my best friends when they try and challenge my negative thoughts. Leave

[00:31:10] me alone. That's not where I'm at right now. So yeah. Because my girls are trying to get me

[00:31:17] together. They're trying to get me together. I told you about my revelation yesterday.

[00:31:22] That came through some stuff to get to that space. So yeah, I'm not. I might later.

[00:31:29] So thank you for being honest, Kizzy. Based off of what you just said, how would you...

[00:31:35] And Kizzy, let me clarify. You don't have to answer every question. You know that, right?

[00:31:42] There's a question that I ask and you don't want to answer it. Say next question,

[00:31:46] and we will skip that question. No hard feelings, okay? Because this is a safe space.

[00:31:53] Okay. All right. So I actually want to skip that question myself.

[00:31:57] I'm going to skip that one. I'm going to ask you this one.

[00:31:59] You can give it to me. I can handle it. I promise.

[00:32:03] Okay. Based off of the answer you just gave, how is your relationship with yourself?

[00:32:10] We're in a struggle space right now. I'm not happy with my behavior

[00:32:20] and my lack of discipline. And so yeah, we fight it.

[00:32:27] So one, I think it's normal to be hard on ourselves as humans.

[00:32:41] And then as Black women, we for some reason, and we know the reasons, but for some reason,

[00:32:50] we're harder on ourselves. We feel like we have to outperform our peers.

[00:32:53] We have to be the best. We have to be perfect.

[00:32:58] We have to be the all for everyone. I'm the rock for this person. I'm strong for my children.

[00:33:04] I'm strong for my partner and not all Black women. Some Black women have moved into their

[00:33:11] soft air. Get it? And I'm actually working on that, but there are too many of us who

[00:33:18] are really hard on ourselves. Have you forgiven yourself for your past mistakes?

[00:33:25] I'm pretty good at that. So I had one thing that was glaring at me from when I was 11,

[00:33:37] that I was at 46 still mad at myself about being myself about being gay.

[00:33:44] Yep.

[00:33:46] And actually me and God had a conversation in church last Sunday where I literally felt the

[00:33:54] release. I literally felt the release. And so yeah, I can newly say yes, I have forgiven myself.

[00:34:04] I love it. Do you think it's important for people to do that, Kizzie? To forgive themselves

[00:34:10] for their past mistakes? Why?

[00:34:12] Absolutely. I think that until you do, there will always be a part of you that you can't fully

[00:34:25] access. And so that's unfair to you. Right? So I talk a lot about showing up 100%,

[00:34:33] me 100% at a time. But are you really? Because you darken in that piece of the

[00:34:49] pile or the puzzle or whatever. My son's working on fractions right now, so that's what

[00:34:52] my mind is. But you darken in that piece of you. You put a whole cloak over it. And so

[00:35:01] if you can't deal with whatever that space is that you're unhappy with or that you feel like

[00:35:10] you messed up or you did something wrong to someone or whatever it is, or you did something

[00:35:16] wrong to yourself, whatever it is, then you're not fully accessing yourself in totality.

[00:35:24] So which could be stopping you from so much more.

[00:35:27] Interesting. That makes sense for you in this space of forgiveness,

[00:35:34] but not in the space of negative thoughts. And I would say they're one and the same.

[00:35:40] Something to think about. What is the healthiest thing you've done for yourself?

[00:35:47] So the healthiest thing I've done for myself is I signed up for swimming lessons.

[00:35:53] Is I signed up for swimming lessons. I have as much as I travel, I have a ridiculous

[00:36:01] fear of water. I don't like water in my face at all. Not even in the shower. Like I wash

[00:36:07] my face like this. Dip in, dip out, dip in, dip out like this. It is a very stressful

[00:36:16] thing for me. Like full anxiety attack in the middle of the ocean. And this is after

[00:36:21] I had taken some lessons earlier in my 20s. And then after that it was just a wrap. It

[00:36:26] just was something that I was just not going to do and had to figure out how to be okay with it.

[00:36:33] But I decided I was going to do hard things. And that's the hardest thing that I've ever

[00:36:39] done. Well, I'm still doing it. So my last lesson for this session is on Saturday.

[00:36:45] So I'm still very much fighting through and pushing through. And I still can't do the whole

[00:36:52] breathe underwater thing because it don't even make sense to me.

[00:36:58] If God wanted me to breathe underwater, wouldn't he? Wouldn't he gave me gills?

[00:37:03] But you know, I want to swim. Like for several reasons. I want to swim for exercise.

[00:37:07] I want to swim so I can go swimming with my son. I want to swim to be able to save

[00:37:11] my life. My son can save his own life. At some point he'll be able to save mine, but

[00:37:18] I want to be able to do this and I was still standing in my own way.

[00:37:24] And so that's like it was the healthiest thing for me physically and mentally is that

[00:37:35] whole facing my fears, doing hard things and sticking with it. And it's at nine o'clock

[00:37:42] in the morning on a Saturday. So there's that part too. You know, so it's always a struggle.

[00:37:49] I'm always late. I'm always late everywhere, but I'm always late.

[00:37:52] So Kizzie, thank you for acknowledging how important it is to face our fears.

[00:38:00] Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to do that and we avoid it, but

[00:38:07] we grow. And I feel like I sound so cliche so many times when I talk, but we grow

[00:38:15] at the risk of sounding cliche. We grow when we face our fears. We do. We stay stuck when

[00:38:23] we avoid them, when we run from them, when we numb. So thank you for talking about how

[00:38:30] important that is and thank you for taking the steps to do that. And I just like to say that

[00:38:38] we call things cliche because they've been said a million times, but they've been said

[00:38:42] a million times because they're true and truth doesn't change. Truth is consistent.

[00:38:48] So.

[00:38:50] Thank you. Thank you for that. I love that. What advice would you give others, Kizzie,

[00:38:57] who want to increase their resiliency? So a person who has either said, I'm not resilient

[00:39:04] or I don't know how to increase it. I may be a little resilient, but I want to increase.

[00:39:10] And what advice would you give for those people?

[00:39:12] So I kind of make it my business not to give advice

[00:39:18] because who am I? But what I would share is that what don't deny yourself.

[00:39:34] Like don't deny yourself the ability to be your best self. And so push through,

[00:39:41] like you're not not pushing through. You say you're not resilient, but you're still standing.

[00:39:49] I took it off because my fingers were swollen and I usually wear a semicolon ring.

[00:39:54] I do have some mental health challenges. I'm not suicidal, but

[00:39:58] I do have some mental health challenges and it's very real having to deal with

[00:40:07] the trauma that life throws at you. And it can get overwhelming for folks

[00:40:15] when they keep thinking they're supposed to be doing something differently. Right? So

[00:40:21] I had to learn to just be kind to myself and just do it. You're doing it. You're doing it.

[00:40:29] You're doing it. You're here. Interesting that you said stuff like be kind to yourself.

[00:40:36] And you're doing it. But yet when our friends tell us not to have negative thoughts,

[00:40:43] we push them away. Okay. Last question. You ready? Yes ma'am. Yes ma'am.

[00:40:56] Any last words or any last thoughts that you want to share before we end this episode?

[00:41:03] Be kind to yourself. That's it. And I'm saying it myself as much as I'm saying it to anyone

[00:41:11] who hears me. It is a mantra that you have to practice, right? So like,

[00:41:22] I'm clear that the space I'm in right now is temporary. Everything's temporary.

[00:41:26] Everything's temporary. And so and that's what I would say to somebody who's struggling with

[00:41:31] being resilient or feeling resilient. Everything's temporary. So keep going. Just keep swimming.

[00:41:40] That's Dory would say. Just keep swimming. Swimming, swimming. Yes. I say that.

[00:41:48] Kizzie, thank you so much for taking time out of your extremely busy schedule.

[00:41:56] Thank you for being open and honest and vulnerable. Thank you for the laughs.

[00:42:03] Thank you so much for this great interview. Thank you, Nikita. Thank you for having me.

[00:42:07] Thank you for thinking of me as someone who you want to have on your podcast and spend

[00:42:13] additional time talking to. So I appreciate that. And just thank you for being you.

[00:42:17] Thank you. I appreciate that spirit that you bring and how you show up.

[00:42:23] Thank you. I hope this episode gave you some tools to connect with and increase your

[00:42:29] resiliency. I'm proud of you. Let's keep up the momentum. Follow Resilient Life on your

[00:42:35] favorite podcast platform and on YouTube at Resilient Life Podcast. Until next time,

[00:42:42] be kind to yourself and others.