Resilient Life: Season One Recap

[00:00:00] You are listening to Resilient Life, the podcast where we explore the power of resiliency.

[00:00:10] I'm Nikita Ross. It is my hope that listeners of this podcast will give you the tools to

[00:00:17] connect with and increase your resiliency. So join me on this adventure of self-discovery

[00:00:24] and self-love.

[00:00:40] I started on this podcast journey, believing that I knew almost everything about resiliency.

[00:00:46] I've been studying it for over a decade. I've been helping others increase their resiliency.

[00:00:54] I've been a keynote speaker several times and I have led countless workshops on the topic.

[00:01:03] The purpose of this podcast was to help others who listened increase their resiliency.

[00:01:10] I thought, I don't need any help because I'm the expert. So I just knew that when I asked people

[00:01:17] to be a guest and define resiliency, I would already know what they were going to say

[00:01:23] because I had the dictionary and the psychological definitions memorized.

[00:01:29] Was I wrong and pleasantly surprised? I have learned so much in these first 10 episodes in the

[00:01:36] first season of Resilient Life. My guests have taught me to broaden my understanding of what

[00:01:43] resilience looks like. I learned that resilience is a lot more personal than I originally thought.

[00:01:50] The first 10 episodes of this podcast have shown me that each person is going to embody

[00:01:56] resiliency a little differently. Resiliency isn't necessarily a series of traits that you check off.

[00:02:04] A positive word of you check. A sense of purpose check. Not taking yourself too seriously

[00:02:10] check. Having a healthy support system check. Now I'm resilient. It's so much more than that.

[00:02:18] It's a mindset. Here's how Carolina defines it in her clip.

[00:02:24] Resilience to me is the ability to carry on and not just like bounce back but also to thrive

[00:02:43] in spite of disastrous environments or factors in your life.

[00:02:50] The ability to turn those things into something that instead of it being defeating,

[00:02:59] it's motivational. The ability to just continue going and thriving not just surviving but thriving.

[00:03:10] Maya describes Resiliency like this. This is something I struggle with

[00:03:19] because I didn't feel as if I had any credibility to give advice.

[00:03:28] I'm still actually struggling with that. I would tell them as much of my story as I'm comfortable

[00:03:34] with and let them know that I was also feeling like I was not resilient.

[00:03:41] But just getting out of bed every day, just trying to be the best you can be.

[00:03:48] Even if you're like today I'm going to smile at five different people

[00:03:53] or today I'm going to find something beautiful that I want to do that makes me happy.

[00:04:00] I would tell them that that can be resilient and that shows that they are resilient.

[00:04:04] That is absolutely perfect. Maya you're just like

[00:04:09] touching on all these pivotal points about the concept of Resiliency. The other misconceptions that

[00:04:17] it has to be big and grand when you're resilient, right? And so I love that you touched on

[00:04:24] it's in those small things getting out of bed in the morning saying something kind to yourself.

[00:04:30] But I know you didn't say that but I want to add that in. Smiling at as you said, five people

[00:04:38] these little things do make a huge impact and I know that may sound very cliche

[00:04:46] but it's so true. It's so accurate. It's like baby steps. If I were to

[00:04:53] if I were listening to this podcast for the first time and you gave those nuggets that you just

[00:04:57] dropped now that would help me have a more realistic approach to increasing my resiliency because I

[00:05:04] would say oh it's little things getting out of bed smiling doing finding things that make me happy.

[00:05:13] What is something that makes you happy, Maya?

[00:05:18] You're touching on some really deep questions

[00:05:20] because I in this journey I'm trying to take to be more positive and resilient. I realized that

[00:05:30] I don't know. I realized that I haven't been I was not happy for a long time.

[00:05:39] So I haven't I didn't know what makes me happy because I hadn't felt I realized like I haven't

[00:05:46] felt happy. So in discovering who I am right now I think what makes me happy is

[00:05:56] my dog, my relationship, my relationship with my mom and my sister

[00:06:04] just family time that makes me really happy going to the movies that has been consistent in my life.

[00:06:11] I actually got that from my mother. That makes me really happy but I'm reading that also makes me very

[00:06:19] happy but I'm discovering things every day that make me happy and I'm trying to find things that

[00:06:26] make me happy so I'm still trying to find my hobbies. Painting is something that I've discovered so

[00:06:33] I think that also makes me happy. So few things but I'm hoping to find as time goes by and as I

[00:06:40] try to work on myself more I'm trying to find more things that make me happy. And Calida says

[00:06:46] that being resilient looks like this as far as being resilient and resiliency that is exactly that.

[00:06:56] You know, things happen we have no control over sometimes you know whether whatever it could be

[00:07:05] whether it's in regards to your family and someone unexpectedly pass away or you know you suddenly

[00:07:12] you know as a child have to move and you're like oh my goodness what about my friends I got to

[00:07:17] change schools I gotta do whatever you know to there's so many things that may happen that's out of

[00:07:24] our control the whole pandemic happened out of our control you know there's things that happen

[00:07:30] in life that we literally have no control over but what we do have control over is how we are viewing

[00:07:40] it. You know, are you going to make this a horrible time and drag this out and have negative

[00:07:49] energy and you know be mad at the world, mad at everybody else or are you gonna just you know you adapt

[00:07:57] adjust in that magic word that I just mentioned is pivoting and so um I know for myself

[00:08:06] I have had to do that in a number of times and I think because of things in my upbringing um

[00:08:15] I think it's prepared me for later in life in certain things that happen where a number of people

[00:08:22] would be like oh my goodness how are you so happy or oh well why are you small I've literally

[00:08:30] had people ask me things like that before and it's like because I'm alive and things are good and

[00:08:38] you know you can start to look for the good that's one of those things that I say like you

[00:08:44] if you look for the good each and every single time you'll find it you know I don't care whatever

[00:08:49] case scenario however bad it can be and it can be bad bad hurt abuse or whatever but there is good

[00:09:00] in everything even if it's the just the lesson that that might have gotten learned you know through

[00:09:06] this um you know or what you might do with the lesson that might be learned you know that hey

[00:09:12] you may have helped someone else you may have able to to to shield someone else you may have

[00:09:18] you know so many different things so it's you know there's good in everything if you look for it

[00:09:24] and so that has become my perspective and that has also helped me in so many ways throughout my life

[00:09:32] and so yeah but that's what resiliency means to me each definition is different yet there are

[00:09:40] similarities as well these interpretations inspire me to have more grace and forgiveness for myself

[00:09:48] because resilience can look like just getting out of it as my it's told us in her clip

[00:09:54] another theme that came forth in season one was the reminder that we all face hard times and struggles

[00:10:04] whether they are internal in the form of negative self-talk as Carolina shared here

[00:10:10] the the healthiest one of the healthiest things that I have done is is shifting shifting um

[00:10:16] like your your mindset or your perspective on things and not just um in uh in the way

[00:10:25] in in in in many ways so for example uh shifting my my thoughts myself talk for example

[00:10:34] um from uh maybe listening to my my negative self-talk or or hearing those voices that we carry

[00:10:43] with us that might not belong to us but they might belong to uh parents teachers family members

[00:10:50] friends right like those voices that are playing in the back of our head all the time um shifting

[00:10:56] those to listening to something um the positivity around me and and with that like challenging my own

[00:11:05] thoughts like for example um something and um I think this is something that even uh you and I have

[00:11:15] talked about uh compliments for example like being able to accept compliments right so

[00:11:22] that in and of itself it can be so challenging because you you have to turn off all of those negative

[00:11:29] voices all of those negative thoughts that you have and then open yourself to the possibility of

[00:11:33] like hey these thoughts might be wrong and the these other people that this positivity around me

[00:11:42] there might be some truth in that why don't I just shift a little and open up right um i think

[00:11:49] that's that that shift in life um has been the most productive uh to help me grow as a person

[00:12:01] and uh most recently one of the shifts that i've been practicing a lot is uh talking to my future self

[00:12:11] and what um yeah it it it's very uh challenging sometimes because i want to do what i want to do

[00:12:20] but i think of uh carolina of the future you know not not just the one right now not the one tonight

[00:12:27] not the one tomorrow morning but in 30 days what is carolina going to be grateful that i started today

[00:12:34] you know my my future and then that turns into month or uh that turns into months in a year or five

[00:12:42] years or 10 years um so so that thinking a lot about the the carolina of the future like what was

[00:12:49] she appreciate me doing right now because i will be carolina in the future um and the last thing

[00:12:57] just uh staying staying uh able to to to learn like staying curious open to learning new things um

[00:13:08] which which i think it is what drives resilience right like learning and new things so yes um

[00:13:17] i think that was really relatable um very open so thank you for sharing man i i had never thought

[00:13:26] in the way that you put it up what can i do now that's going to benefit future carolina um i really

[00:13:35] like that perspective and as you just said like being curious and when we're curious we learn from

[00:13:42] other people um it's just being open to learning those new things and i love that you said changing

[00:13:48] that perspective to be open and receptive for feedback to say hey maybe i could change this

[00:13:54] maybe i can work it on this maybe i can see this differently i like that thank you for that

[00:13:59] and tightfulness yeah tell me how do you celebrate yourself i think that's that's also uh change

[00:14:07] through time um and there are different things that we celebrate about ourselves i have a lot of

[00:14:14] little personal gains in the in the last couple of years that i've been working on some stuff

[00:14:21] on myself and there are some very uh personal not necessarily like like like like huge or

[00:14:32] i don't know how to categorize them but more personal on a personal level and so

[00:14:39] it could be something as simple as like getting out of bed in the morning without struggling

[00:14:44] and then i do celebrate myself i do a lot of talking to myself but in a positive way

[00:14:52] i'm cheering myself i have conversations with me in the mirror um i talk to myself as i would

[00:14:59] talk to a dear friend or someone that i love you know or even sometimes a client you know

[00:15:05] what would what would what would i say to myself you know what if i were such and such person

[00:15:10] and i i celebrate myself that way um and just cheering myself on and and telling myself like yeah

[00:15:19] that was you did good you know you go girl and uh and there are other things that i will share other

[00:15:28] gains that i will share with my loved ones different things that we work on and then we get a

[00:15:35] result and we're like yeah and we want to share it with people you know um but there is a difference in

[00:15:41] in how i celebrate certain things and and how i celebrate others it can also come from others

[00:15:49] as signant told us in her clip yeah because many times i found myself trying to

[00:15:57] form people or in my even in my head not even physically trying to do a bit in my head i had this

[00:16:04] picture of people especially the people that i care about you know um be it a friend be it a family

[00:16:11] member i had this picture in my head that wasn't authentic it wasn't real these people were not

[00:16:19] what i had in my head and when i would see them do things or behave in a certain way i go tilt

[00:16:30] and it and it caused me to stress they have no idea that this is happening but i'm like freaking out

[00:16:37] because why are you not behaving according to what's in my head yeah yeah you know so it just

[00:16:44] you know just oh taking those scales off and going this is who this person is wow and it's okay

[00:16:51] i love them and sometimes i will have to love you from afar because that helps my health yes

[00:16:57] because if you're if you're doing things or you're behaving in ways that are harmful to me

[00:17:04] i've got to protect me yes and you've been doing it for years and that's why i've been so crazy

[00:17:11] and now that i'm like you know what be the best version of yourself you want to be because

[00:17:17] i'm good over here i have to check and look around and see are you and my house right now because

[00:17:24] i feel like you just told me there's no life story to us all it comes to us all you know in the time

[00:17:32] that we can accept it and i had to finally accept that and my life has been amazingly different

[00:17:39] yeah yeah sign of that is why i want to validate you to let you know that

[00:17:46] you are not the only one who there's so many of us who have an image even if we don't realize it

[00:17:51] of how others should behave or what they should be doing and when people don't live up to that

[00:17:57] image that we've created or this thought process then we get disappointed we get frustrated but

[00:18:02] then i love this is i'm telling you signo you are like just speaking to my soul right now it is

[00:18:09] something i'm literally working on and struggling with a little bit if i'm being honest um and so

[00:18:17] it's that whole it's it's not just it is as simple as the first step is to

[00:18:22] accept that person who they are okay this is who that person is no judgment right so we're not

[00:18:27] judging i recognize that i accept you and boundary and you being you i also have a boundary of your

[00:18:37] behaviors are now allowed to impact me in a negative way and so i'm gonna have a boundary and i

[00:18:43] will accept you from a distance still have no ill thoughts ill words ill intentions towards you

[00:18:49] signo preach preach yes signo and some of these people i have people in my mind that i'm thinking

[00:18:56] of that i had had to do that with these people know in the back of their mind if something goes

[00:19:02] sideways in their life i'm coming yeah and i'm coming as a force then oh my god she'll be here

[00:19:08] she'll be here look over your shoulder here she comes yeah but i have to to to be healthy

[00:19:15] yeah i have to do this no no that you you can't cross this boundary or stay over there

[00:19:23] yes okay it's okay stay over here yeah signo when i started this when i thought about starting

[00:19:30] this podcast my goal was to help people who hear the podcast or see the youtube video

[00:19:37] inspire them help them recognize one their easy and two help them gain tools from hearing

[00:19:43] guests like yourself speak i never imagined and you're actually the second guest who has done this

[00:19:48] for me i never imagined that you always say things that were so impactful for me as the host of the

[00:19:55] podcast and it's i'm already like just getting the um benefits for lack of a better word

[00:20:06] of interacting and engaging with other human beings about resiliency so i want to thank you

[00:20:12] for being transparent for being honest for being vulnerable and that seems to have been the

[00:20:17] theme that's coming across with my guests and i it's just really helping me grow in speaking with you

[00:20:25] also i want to just take that moment to tell you thank you for that and i want to ask all do life

[00:20:32] together we're all doing life together and we feed on each other and there's something that came

[00:20:37] to mind that we may get to that i want to say to you you know as well okay or maybe i said no

[00:20:45] i said now yes you could say it now because of the my faith in god um i am very cynical

[00:20:54] and by nature i'm naturally a cynic and he puts people in every area of my life

[00:21:02] that helps me see through a different lens and you're one of those people

[00:21:06] sigma thank you yeah thank you you're you're that person that helps me go hold on

[00:21:14] okay that that's let's look at it differently and you do that for me

[00:21:19] thank you sigma i appreciate that you were like are you trying to make me cry i can't ask

[00:21:24] i shouldn't cry and i shouldn't cry because i ugly cry so i don't know if there's a pretty

[00:21:31] but it's true it's the truth it's a little terrier i don't know if you're

[00:21:34] yeah you're you're one of those people in the space that we occupy together and you're the one

[00:21:40] because that's why i told you i hear your voice in my head sometimes and you'll go okay how are you

[00:21:47] today and you and it's how are you doing to you did it you did it this morning

[00:21:53] i heard your sigh sigma i heard i saw you i wrote you're so intuitive and i believe

[00:22:00] that divinely he gives me people like you to keep me balanced to keep me balanced because otherwise

[00:22:09] i can go dark and he doesn't want me dark yeah yeah or our current living situation

[00:22:19] Maya talked about it here the healthiest thing i've done for myself

[00:22:27] i actually have a few healthy things if you don't mind i'm not just going to say one because

[00:22:32] i feel like they all build off each other one of the healthiest things i've done for myself

[00:22:40] is to move from a state that i was very unhappy in um to move to a state that

[00:22:49] i feel really happy in so me moving that was one of the physical state not a state of mind

[00:22:57] a physical state the United States um to move from New York to Texas that was a very

[00:23:09] very big thing that i needed to do to be healthy for me um the second thing was to get out of the

[00:23:19] military i though i did not regret anything in my life i cannot continue on the military journey

[00:23:29] that was not what i should have been doing and the third thing is to take a second and try to get off

[00:23:39] a autopilot i realized i was constantly going through the motions of my life and i don't feel like

[00:23:49] i had anything to show forward i don't feel like i remember it i don't feel like i truly was living

[00:23:59] like i felt like i was just going through the motions i don't there wasn't ever a stop for me

[00:24:07] and i just couldn't see the beauty in anything and there was just no happiness i just was

[00:24:15] everyday just this is the schedule but not being present in life we all have difficult times

[00:24:22] and hearing these stories helped me to not fill alone it helped me to not feel sorry for myself

[00:24:28] it helped me to keep pushing forward the best inspiration that i got from my guess over the past

[00:24:35] and episodes was the consistency of optimism positivity and of course joy

[00:24:43] Barbara gave the best example of it here and then when it comes down to my business which i truly

[00:24:51] enjoy that is i make cups um designer cups like the one that i have here i aimlessly plug but not so much

[00:25:02] i also design clothes it's something that i've always done so fashion has always been me i enjoy it

[00:25:09] i love it and it's fun because i'm looking at myself and how it lights me up to bring joy in my life

[00:25:17] my business very much so does that and i love seeing other people look beautiful i love seeing other people

[00:25:23] just enjoy themselves um how they you know want me get out here down and she looks real good she got

[00:25:30] on some cute clothes she just really thinks she you know and as she is she's a beautiful woman

[00:25:35] my dad shared his view in his clip let's listen

[00:25:40] make for things me the most joy is when some of you said pop pop your grandbaby there my grandda

[00:25:51] so when your grandbaby sees you she says pop and my heart just melts i love that i love that's actually

[00:25:59] really beautiful um with that in mind what is your greatest wish for your grandchildren

[00:26:10] first of all to be healthy and then to be happy you know and well i mean that's basically

[00:26:20] yeah i like that that's a really good wish how would you know if your children were happy

[00:26:25] but how do the looks on their faces you know if they're happy you smile and if you say

[00:26:32] yeah okay i like that that's a great wish for a parent but they want their children happy and

[00:26:39] healthy i think that's really good and then current children to be happy healthy and not think about

[00:26:45] necessary like the material things that's no good all kinds of rich but what really matters is your

[00:26:53] help and your happiness i like that and kareem brought it home with his example here

[00:27:02] it's a fun job if if anybody has a connection to or they they've worked in a self-contained

[00:27:11] environment it could be the most fun place in the world because i have a group of students

[00:27:18] who actually enjoy coming to school and that is rare for high schoolers a lot of high schoolers

[00:27:23] have a hard time with school they got to get up early they get lots of work and my students really

[00:27:28] love that and so our classroom community is so fun and full of love and as a person when you

[00:27:38] teach someone something and they learn it it is a wild feeling i wish some of those because i know

[00:27:44] if you know i know you've gone through with some of those teachers that are kind of slack

[00:27:49] sadly sometimes in self-contained environments people are like we could throw in a movie we could

[00:27:54] do some coloring if they felt the feeling of their students learning things that some of the

[00:28:01] gen ed students don't understand right now that feeling is not a feeling that you can really get

[00:28:07] from anything other than teaching someone something that you know is going to make their life better

[00:28:12] so it's good so i'm never leaving they're gonna be stuck with my old behind

[00:28:18] that was beautiful thank you for that i want to switch gears a little bit

[00:28:27] kareem i want to ask you how do you define resilience

[00:28:35] well when i think about resilience when i think about those things i think about it two ways

[00:28:42] and the ways that it affects me and away it affects my students this is like my world do all the time

[00:28:48] it is um you know i'd seem like it might be a lot but at this point it's second nature

[00:28:54] but you know when i think of resilience i truly think about you know what it takes for students

[00:29:05] who have all kinds of barriers in their way whether it be the physical barriers i've talked

[00:29:11] about my classroom the mental barriers i've talked about in my classroom the barriers of poverty

[00:29:17] and all of those things um you know the resiliency it takes to keep showing up

[00:29:23] um is something that i admire and other people when i watch people who are resilient i'm my

[00:29:32] man how are they doing this with the smile in their face you know how was that student who

[00:29:38] it cut these concepts are so difficult for them maybe you know letters on a page blend together i

[00:29:46] mean i'm sitting right in front of a magnifying glass because one of my students um when she is working

[00:29:54] she would not be able to see the board without this man and i'm just like she's still driving though

[00:30:01] and so that resiliency to be like an obstacle is not enough to stop me from achieving my goals

[00:30:09] is kind of how i think of it when i look at it in others when i see people who are just

[00:30:15] despite the things i am going to excel you know that's what i think about

[00:30:22] i have learned so much in my effort to help others connect with and increase their resiliency

[00:30:28] my guests have been thoughtful vulnerable and wise they remind me that we are all more

[00:30:37] similar than we are different we all want to be loved feel joy connect with others be seen

[00:30:45] and be validated thank you to each person who has taken time out of their lives to participate

[00:30:52] as a guest on resilient life i'm looking forward to continuing to grow along

[00:30:58] side my listeners as i connect with new people in season two i'm so grateful for this journey

[00:31:05] and the listeners and the guests so whether you're seeking to enhance your personal growth

[00:31:10] overcome setbacks or simply looking for inspiration to live your best life resilient life is your

[00:31:18] go-to podcast or advise practical tips and empowering stories that will fuel your journey towards self

[00:31:26] discovery and transformation don't forget to like share subscribe and follow thank you

[00:31:36] i'm Nikita Ross i hope this episode gave you some tools to connect with and increase your resiliency

[00:31:43] i'm proud of you let's keep up the momentum follow resilient life on your favorite podcast platform

[00:31:50] and on youtube at resilient life podcast until next time be kind to yourself and others