Take these steps to increase your happiness

[00:00:00] You are listening to Resilient Life, the podcast where we explore the power of resiliency.

[00:00:10] I'm Nikita Ross. It is my hope that listeners of this podcast will give you the tools to

[00:00:17] connect with and increase your resiliency. So join me on this adventure of self discovery

[00:00:24] and self love. Thank you for joining us on this week of Resilient Life. I am looking forward

[00:00:38] to this conversation I'm going to have this week with one of my long time friends. We'll start

[00:00:46] with introductions. Will you please introduce yourself and tell us your chosen profession

[00:00:52] and anything else you want to share about yourself. Okay well I am Kaleeta Javan

[00:01:01] and my chosen profession is I work for the VA and I am in suicide prevention grants program.

[00:01:12] So that is what I do full-time I'm a administrative coordinator in that position and how it correlates

[00:01:21] with everything else I'm up to in life. I will say that I am a coordinator and so in doing so

[00:01:29] and I'm also a visionary. So I have a number of things going on from something as a passion

[00:01:37] of mine which actually started with my work that I do at the VA. So it's something called

[00:01:44] forgiveness mission and we host forgiveness workshops and we do them by monthly currently. So our next

[00:01:53] one coming up will be April 13th and so yeah so we host forgiveness workshops where we talk about

[00:02:01] four areas forgiveness of self forgiveness of others forgiveness and wellness as well as

[00:02:07] impacting our bodies as well as forgiving the world. I'm a broader perspective regarding

[00:02:15] forgiveness and so that is something that I would call my passion project and we have been doing

[00:02:23] them consistently for the last two years and I also am a licensed insurance broker so I also do

[00:02:32] life insurance part-time so those are two areas of interest for me I'm always about legacy

[00:02:40] you know ownership and family those are some things that are very important to me.

[00:02:48] I love that. I think that your passion project as you called it is so

[00:02:59] impactful and life changing just the essence of forgiveness and it's actually one of my questions

[00:03:11] and so we'll actually go right into that question have you forgiven yourself?

[00:03:19] That is a really great question. So that I thank you for asking that question because oftentimes when

[00:03:27] just talking to people you know especially people who have not heard of

[00:03:33] giving this workshop or forgiveness mission or anything about it you know they oftentimes we think

[00:03:40] about others what someone may have done to us or what we may have done to someone else and feel guilty

[00:03:46] about it but rarely do we actually look at our sales as being someone we may have to start with

[00:03:56] and so that's a really great question and that's also why we start with that question

[00:04:02] for our workshops. For myself I have something I had to come to grips with

[00:04:13] you know and more so the place where I was stuck you know I was stuck for quite some time

[00:04:23] regarding a failed relationship and you know the dream you know releasing and letting go of

[00:04:35] the dream which you might have wanted your life to be like what you wanted certain things to

[00:04:39] happen and being attached to it kind of being that way and it just fell apart you know and it wasn't

[00:04:49] that and kind of you know in prayer about it and you know just yeah it just turned out not how I

[00:05:00] wanted it to and so I was in a place of healing for a very long time you know and so just dove into

[00:05:11] reflection dove into self-development I took a number of self-development courses you know whether it

[00:05:22] was communication courses or something called divorce recovery with something that was a healing

[00:05:30] place for me and so yeah I had to even come to grips with for myself even years later where you know

[00:05:41] and being single and looking at what's there for me you know of why I've been single so long

[00:05:51] and you know even recognizing when I have been in a place where I was fort-knocks and pushing people away

[00:06:01] to getting to a point where I'm good you know so if it happens it happens and that's wonderful

[00:06:08] that I you know I have the desire the desire is there the hope for you know that love that we do

[00:06:17] desire is there but I have other focuses right now primarily family and also my businesses so

[00:06:28] um yeah and I'm in a really great place I'm happy to hear that I think

[00:06:39] collida that a lot of people can relate and connect to that um place of I have this

[00:06:50] image or this view of where I want my life to be I want to be married by this time I want to work

[00:06:58] at this place I want to make this much I want to live here I want to drive this vehicle I want

[00:07:03] to live in this state whatever those things are I think lots of people can relate to that and there's

[00:07:11] nothing wrong with having dreams and desires and ambition and sometimes life doesn't go exactly

[00:07:22] the way we wanted to and having that ability to my word I've been probably using too much of this

[00:07:30] point pivot uh readjust reassess when things don't go as expected I think for me that is

[00:07:44] one of the big things of resilient which takes me to the next question how do you define resilient

[00:07:54] um well one thing I will say I love the word you just used a second ago um regarding pivoting

[00:08:02] and I feel like as far as being resilient and resiliency that is exactly that you know um things

[00:08:13] happen we have no control over sometimes you know whether whatever it could be whether it's in

[00:08:20] regards to your family and someone unexpectedly pass away or you know you suddenly you know as a

[00:08:27] child have to move and you're like oh my goodness what about my friends I got to change schools I

[00:08:32] got to do whatever you know to um there's so many things that may happen that's out of our control

[00:08:39] the whole pandemic happened out of our control you know there's things that happen in life

[00:08:46] that we literally have no control over but what we do have control over is how we are viewing it um you

[00:08:56] know are you going to make this a horrible time in drag this out and have negative energy and

[00:09:04] you know be mad at the world mad at everybody else or are you gonna just you know you adapt

[00:09:11] adjust in that magic word that I just mentioned is pivoting and so um I know for myself

[00:09:20] I have had to do that in the number of times and I think because of things in my upbringing um

[00:09:29] I think it's prepared me for later in life in certain things that happen where a number of people

[00:09:36] would be like oh my goodness how are you so happy or oh well why are you smart I've literally

[00:09:44] had people ask me things like that before and it's like because I'm alive and things are good

[00:09:52] and you know you can start to look for the good that's one of those things that I say like you

[00:09:58] if you look for the good each and every single time you'll find it you know I don't care whatever

[00:10:03] case scenario however bad it can be and it can be bad bad hurt abuse or whatever but there is good

[00:10:14] in everything even if it's the just the lesson that that might have gotten learned you know through

[00:10:20] this um you know or what you might do with the lesson that might be learned you know that hey you

[00:10:27] may have helped someone else you may have able to to shield someone else you may have you know so

[00:10:33] many different things so it's you know there's good in everything if you look for it and so that

[00:10:40] has become my perspective and that has also helped me in so many ways throughout my life and so

[00:10:48] yeah but that's what resiliency means to me thank you for that answer I think what stood out to me

[00:10:57] and I'm gonna word it differently than you did but what I heard part of what I heard from you was

[00:11:06] about perspective and how you view life and so if I choose to see or focus on only the negative

[00:11:18] then that is going to be the quality of my life um if I choose to focus on the positive or

[00:11:26] find a positive or a lesson in life and incidents and when I wake up in the morning that will be

[00:11:36] my experience in life and so for me I love that because I am a firm believer that happiness and joy

[00:11:46] is a choice it's a choice every day because as you said things will happen in life horrific things

[00:11:57] and that doesn't mean that you say oh this really bad thing happened to me and I'm joyful

[00:12:05] that's not it at all it's your process and you and you grieve if grief is what is the emotion you feel

[00:12:12] whatever you allow yourself to feel the emotions but you don't stay there um and so that's what I got

[00:12:19] out of what you were saying and hopefully I'm not putting words in your mouth uh no no no it was a really

[00:12:28] great summary yes and and and recreation of what that was and so yes I agree completely I may not

[00:12:38] have seen it that word perspective but literally that's what I was describing and so um yes it is

[00:12:45] definitely about perspective um and you can own that that's what you have control over you know um

[00:12:52] and and sometimes especially at certain places especially if you've dealt with depression or dealt

[00:13:02] with you know certain things where everything is not sunshine and roses and you know you may be

[00:13:10] have been beaten down so much where yes you may only see negative only see some certain things but

[00:13:19] have a hope we'll carry the whole world on our shoulders and we don't want to share we don't

[00:13:24] want to look bad we don't want nobody to know that we're dealing with something but everybody is

[00:13:31] dealing with something everybody you're not exempt and when we share we realize oh my goodness

[00:13:42] I'm not alone hmm I don't care how low of place you feel you might be that you cannot rebuild

[00:13:53] you cannot get up I don't care if you know everybody has has left you you know or maybe you may not

[00:14:01] have family or you feel like you don't have friends or you know whatever that might be there

[00:14:08] you can start again you can start a new you have life and breath in your in your in your in your

[00:14:17] your body for a reason you have a purpose there's something for you to out here in this world

[00:14:27] there's some good you can bring in helping another and that's where we really get a lot of our power

[00:14:34] is helping another it's like you don't understand how much life you get happiness joy we talk about

[00:14:43] what can bring you joy oh my goodness helping another man so much so that's why you're here

[00:14:51] because we all need each other and so the same way you know you may need someone someone needs you

[00:14:59] know that you you know you deserve more you have some something inside you some little inkling

[00:15:07] that I deserve more or I want more so if you have that it's like okay what good can I find

[00:15:17] I'm still gonna stick with that same thing find the good you know and so even if it is okay I know

[00:15:23] that there's been various different exercises that people will say over the course of time like

[00:15:28] oh well fine five things you know or write down five things in regards to what is you know good or

[00:15:35] you know what you're grateful for or something of the sort start there if nothing else okay if five

[00:15:42] is too much three three one of those things is you won't go today one of those things is

[00:15:50] man I was able to take an extra another breath okay so what else and so for me if you found

[00:15:58] three things today tomorrow find three new things so you're not using that same I woke up today

[00:16:07] all week long you can if that's where you are fine yeah how about next week can we find three

[00:16:15] other new things because it's a muscle that we're building yes it's a muscle that we're building

[00:16:21] and so okay as you continuously working out this muscle you're working out this muscle and

[00:16:28] you know okay I I found three things that I'm grateful for I find another three things I'm grateful

[00:16:33] for and over some time let's just say you did that for three six months then you'll start to feel like

[00:16:41] okay maybe you could find a little extra man you was able to find ten you know and it's a muscle

[00:16:48] that's being built you know I know I believe in affirmations all the long affirmations

[00:16:54] and for me one of my affirmations that I've always have stood on for the longest here

[00:17:00] the time was I am enough and I needed that reminder previously and I am enough I am enough and

[00:17:10] not just that I mean I have other affirmations too that I might have stated um but

[00:17:18] me actually doing affirmations daily for about a good year and a half can I kind of stop

[00:17:24] I kind of went away from them and still other things in life and everything and then something hit

[00:17:29] me life happened something hit me and I was literally in the midst of something and it was like a tool

[00:17:38] that came out your back pocket that was okay reminded you you know so maybe you know that's why I

[00:17:45] believe in affirmations because they're tools you may not see it right now you might say okay I'm

[00:17:52] wealthy and your account is a negative $152 you know okay well you keep on standing on wealthy even

[00:17:59] though you do not see it you may not see it but keep on standing on that keep on standing on that

[00:18:06] it's gonna come you know what you think is what you shall have and so you know anyway I'm not going

[00:18:13] no if that is preaching I would ascend your church I'm here for everything you're saying I love it

[00:18:26] I love that you in our conversation about perspective and choose and joy and how joy and happiness

[00:18:34] are a choice and there are certain things that if we do them or encounter them

[00:18:40] instantly our mood is lifted what brings you joy Calida what came up for me was water

[00:18:46] I love water um I love to go to the beach

[00:18:51] I the summertime I have a chair uh lawn chair and I'll blink it in my trunk all ways because yes

[00:19:00] I don't whatever little given time that I may have say oh I got some extra time today

[00:19:05] I'm gonna go to the beach and I might see the sunset or I might go to the beach just to relax and you

[00:19:11] know maybe journal or maybe I might go and take a stroll and go walk so um definitely water is

[00:19:18] a thing for me I love going for walks on trails as well so nature I'm definitely

[00:19:24] have some type of connection with nature um although I don't tend to do as much like camping or

[00:19:30] anything like that I have once or twice in my life but um yes I'm definitely I would say that

[00:19:37] I appreciate nature um the other thing that brings me joy is definitely family family definitely

[00:19:46] spending time with um family friends I love watching my kids play with each other um and

[00:19:56] and just you know being regular siblings and stuff like that I enjoy those times or having a

[00:20:03] gain night and things that nature so yeah I'm a family girl too so those those are two areas

[00:20:09] that would bring me joy that's good I like that um what is the healthiest thing you've done for

[00:20:20] yourself the healthiest thing I've done for myself hmm it's a really great question

[00:20:30] I will say the healthiest thing that I have done for myself my first thought was oh you know when

[00:20:39] you think of help you may think of um you know your physical health like exercise or something

[00:20:46] that's what I'm my first thought but as I reflect on your question um I would say the healthiest

[00:20:54] thing that I've done for myself was invest in myself and um definitely in investing in self-development

[00:21:07] whether it's been taking courses to being a part of a mastermind group um part of a couple of

[00:21:14] business groups um I did something um called landmark forum I know you know some people may or

[00:21:23] may not know of it but that was a um life change for me um from doing that to taking communication

[00:21:34] courses um that helped me tremendously um and looking at certain things has helped me to repair

[00:21:44] certain relationships in my life as well to so much that I've gained from it um I already mentioned

[00:21:54] the the worst recovery uh that I partaked in I didn't just do that one time that was like a 13

[00:22:02] week um course program or what have you and I did it twice just because it was like okay well you know

[00:22:13] I um I'm seeing some things but even with an even some months later you have a whole

[00:22:20] another perspective because you're in a different place you know different you know mindset and

[00:22:25] things that I nature so for me that was the best thing um the healthiest thing that I've done

[00:22:32] is investing in myself um in my own mental health and um you know moving forward I would say like

[00:22:43] and not being held back by my past or certain things that I may um you know may have thought

[00:22:51] or even it just it just has given me such a greater perspective on life and so I would say that

[00:23:01] has been the healthiest thing for me that's good it sounds like that the steps you took are really

[00:23:09] beneficial for you what advice would you have for people who are either having difficulty identifying

[00:23:17] their resiliency or difficulty connecting uh with their resiliency what advice would you have for them

[00:23:24] or how to be more resilient how to connect with their resilience or how to recognize that they

[00:23:31] have exhibited some resilience so far I would say um each and every single person

[00:23:40] each and every single person you have the capability it's there it's already inside of you

[00:23:46] it's not any place that you have to even seek or to look um it's there it's inside of you um

[00:23:56] what I would say is change is inevitable um change happens

[00:24:07] five minutes ago there was a lot of change you know five more minutes is going to be a whole lot

[00:24:13] more change like there is change is inevitable that's the only thing that's constant

[00:24:20] the only thing and when we wrap our mind around that changes inevitable

[00:24:28] and just release the little control um you'll be at such a greater place you know like so one

[00:24:40] is the realization that yes changes inevitable things are going to change and I know us as human beings

[00:24:46] we want things to stay the same you know that's our comfort zone we you know but they're not

[00:24:53] they're never going to stay the same you know life happens things happen you know there are

[00:25:00] upsets there are you know disappointments there are things like we mentioned earlier about how

[00:25:08] um things that happen outside of our control and things of that nature but it is how are you pivoting

[00:25:16] within that change how are how are you making it through yes acknowledging that hey

[00:25:24] you're gonna make it through you know it's inevitable it's gonna happen and

[00:25:30] life doesn't end right here because it's something is changing the rug might have been pulled

[00:25:34] from up under you and you might have slipped and failed okay well let's get back up

[00:25:40] we're gonna take one step and then we'll take another you may not see any other steps to take

[00:25:46] that's okay just take one okay once you take that one step another one will get it revealed

[00:25:54] that is so I don't know the word

[00:25:58] hard

[00:26:00] heartfelt I think is the word I want that I want to grab on to things that I heard

[00:26:08] um throughout all of your answers but specifically when you're answering this question about

[00:26:13] how to increase a person's resiliency is being vulnerable and that's that talking to people

[00:26:20] and that takes sometimes we view vulnerability as a weakness but actually it takes a lot of strength to

[00:26:35] be vulnerable I also heard like this optimism and you and you've been sharing that that theme has

[00:26:44] been answered woven in all your answers I love this having this optimistic view of life

[00:26:50] of the world of the people around you and I heard um the importance of helping others

[00:27:01] and I heard uh basically connecting with your purpose because everyone is here you said you have

[00:27:08] a purpose you have breath in your body for a reason and I need you to know that those are there

[00:27:16] are traits of resiliency and you hit on several of them and it just just makes me feel out

[00:27:29] I want to know how do you prefer to receive love and support well for those who

[00:27:38] know about love languages um my top two love languages are acts of service as well as words of

[00:27:49] affirmation hmm words of affirmation those are my two top uh love languages so that I guess

[00:27:58] across the board whether it is um you know with my kids you know I'm I feel like you know we all

[00:28:07] have a little bit of all the love languages you know um because I think they say that in the book

[00:28:14] yeah and I am definitely an affectionate person especially with my children is like

[00:28:21] I just want to hug him and kiss him you know um so I know that um about me but as far as um

[00:28:32] you know how do I prefer to receive love um I would say yeah I am I'm a very thoughtful person

[00:28:41] even you know in giving a gift and things that at nature I might think about you know what it is

[00:28:47] that person may want like or need or get a combination of some things and you know make a gift

[00:28:54] basket or all kinds of stuff like that um so you know I love the thoughtfulness I love

[00:29:04] so whatever it might be um I'm touched by just someone thinking of me you know

[00:29:12] that they didn't have to you know especially if it wasn't like holiday or a birthday oh well my

[00:29:17] goodness you know I want to thank you for taking the time today to share your thoughts and your

[00:29:28] perspective I really appreciated uh thank you so much for being on the Zoya and life do you

[00:29:35] have any final things that you want to share before we wrap up the episode um I will just

[00:29:45] state the reminder for the viewers and those are there uh that you are resilient

[00:29:53] you are resilient already and one thing that I would you know challenge you or invite you to accept

[00:30:04] the challenge or assignment is make a list of the things you've accomplished

[00:30:11] hmm the things you've done every single thing that you've done I don't care if it is you know yes

[00:30:20] there's things like yeah you might have gotten this degree or you might have you know completed this

[00:30:24] but I mean man it could be you you learned how to make breakfast if that's the accomplishment whatever

[00:30:32] it is of the accomplishment however big however small it may be start to list out short accomplishments

[00:30:42] the same way that you know people do vision boards who do an accomplishment board hang it on your

[00:30:48] wall just even looking at that does something is that reminder you know even looking at your resume like

[00:30:55] oh yeah I did do that I did that and so as life continues and something else comes up you will

[00:31:03] be reminded man you can do this too so um that would be the challenge so I would love to see the in

[00:31:16] the chat or something like yeah I accepted that challenge yeah you know I'm doing that challenge

[00:31:22] I would love to see that and um you know I want to see at least a couple people can you be that one

[00:31:29] you be that one except that challenge you know I would love to see it that's a perfect way to end

[00:31:35] this episode thank you for watching liking subscribing to Resilie and Life until next week

[00:31:43] I hope this episode gave you some tools to connect with and increase your resiliency I'm proud of

[00:31:50] you let's keep up the momentum follow Resilie in life on your favorite podcast platform and

[00:31:56] on youtube at Resilie and Life podcast until next time be client to yourself and others